Monday, August 08, 2005

The Weekend Review

As many of you know, most of my Monday posts revolve around sharing my weekend with the assembled masses. They sit around the computer, sipping coffee and reading about my exploits with anxious smiles and tingly nether regions . Usually these posts involve tales of alcohol, sex, threesomes, group bunny, hangovers, cartoons, Gatorade, and cheesy eggs. Only once did it involve a goat, and that was a very strange night that we have promised Mr. Adams that we would never bring up again in public.

Today’s Monday morning review is only different in the sense that my weekend was devoid of anything interesting, whatsoever. I doubt very much that anything I have to say today would even cause a slight itch in people’s pants, or cause more than a soft chuckle to erupt from your tummy. My weekend was dull.

The best part of my weekend? I got drunk and watched Alien vs. Predator while two of my girlfriends licked my nipples. Ashley and Jen took turns on me, while they started making out with each other as well. I had trouble focusing on the movie, and so I began to get more involved in what was happening on the couch. I slid my hand up Ashley’s shirt and found her breasts, while Jen kissed my neck and rubbed my…argh I can’t do it!

Sigh.

I made that up. We didn’t watch Alien vs. Predator, the movie was Steel Magnolias. Ok, ok…I’m lying! There was no nipple licking or 3-way action of any kind, this weekend. I tried to make an interesting post, but I just can’t lie to my faithful but few readers.

Lame.

The truth is, my weekend consisted of watching movies, without the threesomes. I watched a total of 6 movies this weekend, which is enough to make me want to go out tonight and do horrible things to somebody’s sister or pet Yorkie. I watched:

Underworld
Dead Calm
Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas
The Core
Timeline
Stargate

Pretty pathetic, I know. Sure, I did other things this weekend that weren’t lame. I went to the Mead Day celebration with some friends and had some mead, did some honey tasting, and saw part of the brewing process. Or the fermenting process…not sure which part I actually watched, to be honest. I’m going to assume it was part of the brewing process. Fermentation takes too long, for me to have been witness to it, in a few short hours.

I also met up with some old friends at the bar randomly one night; gotta’ love those phone calls at 11:45pm. “Hey bashturd! Whattya doooin? You shneed to come out to the bar wit us! Get yer boot up here and have a shot with uzz! We’ll meet ewe thereey. *hic* ok see you shloon.”

So, I did stuff! Yeah! I am not as pathetic as you might assume! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Anyway, sorry to disappoint, but my weekend was fairly laid back and relaxing, which is great to do, sometimes. It also rained a lot this weekend, so I don’t feel as bad about staying inside my apartment like a hermit. And I’m sure that since the famous bunny Oak Island beach adventure is only 25 days away, I need to store up all the energy I can.

Oh by the way, save yourself the horror and NEVER sit down and watch Timeline. That movie made my butt itch, it was so bad. I think I still have a little bit of vomit in my mouth, from it.

21 comments:

Heather said...

"I think I just vomited in my mouth."

Best all time movie line. LOL.. You had me hot there for a minute with the nipple licking and then you took it away.

I shake my fist at you.. but I still enjoyed the read :)

Shanshu said...

Sorry! Next time, I'll finish the story, for you. Promise!

HighMaintenanceHussy said...

Here's a movie tip for ya: Napolean Dynamite. I saw it this weekend...good times.

Shanshu said...

I LOVE Napolean Dynamite! The movie rules.

Crystal said...

Oh, I don't know. I think I'm pretty tingly.

Underworld sucked. I love Dead Calm though.

Bashful Blue said...

Good to hear that you had a nice relaxing weekend. Even if it didn't involve any group bunny. Better luck next weekend! :)

Danikabur said...

I also loved Napolean Dynamite. Its definitely not for everyone though lol

Pizzle said...

I'm with the rest of them. If you're weekend is boring, I say make something up.

:)

drunkbh said...

At first it was exciting with all the talk about group bunny. I thought I might have to wait until I got home to finish reading. Don't tease us like that.

Nameless said...

Oh HMH, you finally watched it?! The damn Dutch and their being behind on everything.. I love Napoleon.
Underworld is pretty good. Vampires and Kate. Good combo.

B.O.B.I. said...

Good Lord, man, you subjected yourself to "The Core" and "Timeline"?
"Underworld" is good times, but DAMN, sir, you're a member of the human race! You're better than that!

As for "Napoleon Dynamite" we watched that with a combination of: adults, child, fish, and one dog. By the end of the movie, the adults had wandered off to watch linoleum curl, the child was asleep, the fish was belly up in its bowl and the dog was bazooka barfing in the general direction of the TV.
Consensus: It was bad.

l'il bear said...

Well, the fish will ruin any movie...

Napolean is king. Poor bastard, all he wanted was lip chap.

Spinning Girl said...

Some people wait all their lives for a weekend like that. And some people, like Shanshu, Spinning Girl, BadGod and High Maintenance Hussy... we LIVE it. Envy us!!!

B.O.B.I. said...

Consider yourself envied.

Xtine said...

when "a little bit of vomit in my mouth fails you" try: "a little bit of pee came out"

.: raven :. said...

Underworld is a GREAT movie ... loved it. but then i love all good vampire movies .. plus the guy Raze was fucking hot.

i watched:

Million Dollar Baby
Van Helsing
Cursed ( ... stupid!!! ...)
Ladder 49

so i just chilled too .... was a good time ....

Callie said...

Okay, Shanshu, here are your questions.

1. You have been chosen for a top secret mission, one that you may not return from alive. What do you do with your last "normal" day on earth before the mission?

2. If you could only watch an hour of TV a week, what would you watch and why?

3. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and why?

4. What is it that attracts you in a 'significant other'?

5. You can have one superhero's powers. Whose would you choose to have and why?

Have fun!!! And sorry it took me so long to give them to you!

Shanshu said...

ARGH! What is it, with these spam comments lately? Dammit that really pisses me off! Fucking auto-comment bots can suck me backwards.

Spinning girl: We ARE in the cool club!! Too bad we can't all get together for "meetings".

ceiling fan bulbs: blow me, you comment spam bastard.

raven: chilling is a good thing, sometimes. I rather enjoyed my lazy weekend.

callie: thanks for the questions! I will answer them soon.

xtine: Can a guy get away with saying "a little bit of pee came out" without looking like a wussy?

Danius Maximus said...

your taste in movies doesn't help to shine light on the glory of your pop culture knowledge, unless you're compiling a list of "films whos directors should be shot" good times with the mead though.

Shanshu said...

Well, I didn't RENT those movies, or anything. They were all on cable, and so I sat there and watched them so I could continue my day of doing nothing.

It worked out nicely.

Rowan said...

yeah, wished you'd warned me about timeline oh a few months ago. There's time i'll never get back...