As many of you know, most of my Monday posts revolve around sharing my weekend with the assembled masses. They sit around the computer, sipping coffee and reading about my exploits with anxious smiles and tingly nether regions . Usually these posts involve tales of alcohol, sex, threesomes, group bunny, hangovers, cartoons, Gatorade, and cheesy eggs. Only once did it involve a goat, and that was a very strange night that we have promised Mr. Adams that we would never bring up again in public.
Today’s Monday morning review is only different in the sense that my weekend was devoid of anything interesting, whatsoever. I doubt very much that anything I have to say today would even cause a slight itch in people’s pants, or cause more than a soft chuckle to erupt from your tummy. My weekend was dull.
The best part of my weekend? I got drunk and watched Alien vs. Predator while two of my girlfriends licked my nipples. Ashley and Jen took turns on me, while they started making out with each other as well. I had trouble focusing on the movie, and so I began to get more involved in what was happening on the couch. I slid my hand up Ashley’s shirt and found her breasts, while Jen kissed my neck and rubbed my…argh I can’t do it!
I made that up. We didn’t watch Alien vs. Predator, the movie was Steel Magnolias. Ok, ok…I’m lying! There was no nipple licking or 3-way action of any kind, this weekend. I tried to make an interesting post, but I just can’t lie to my faithful but few readers.
The truth is, my weekend consisted of watching movies, without the threesomes. I watched a total of 6 movies this weekend, which is enough to make me want to go out tonight and do horrible things to somebody’s sister or pet Yorkie. I watched:
Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas
Pretty pathetic, I know. Sure, I did other things this weekend that weren’t lame. I went to the Mead Day celebration with some friends and had some mead, did some honey tasting, and saw part of the brewing process. Or the fermenting process…not sure which part I actually watched, to be honest. I’m going to assume it was part of the brewing process. Fermentation takes too long, for me to have been witness to it, in a few short hours.
I also met up with some old friends at the bar randomly one night; gotta’ love those phone calls at 11:45pm. “Hey bashturd! Whattya doooin? You shneed to come out to the bar wit us! Get yer boot up here and have a shot with uzz! We’ll meet ewe thereey. *hic* ok see you shloon.”
So, I did stuff! Yeah! I am not as pathetic as you might assume! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
Anyway, sorry to disappoint, but my weekend was fairly laid back and relaxing, which is great to do, sometimes. It also rained a lot this weekend, so I don’t feel as bad about staying inside my apartment like a hermit. And I’m sure that since the famous bunny Oak Island beach adventure is only 25 days away, I need to store up all the energy I can.
Oh by the way, save yourself the horror and NEVER sit down and watch Timeline. That movie made my butt itch, it was so bad. I think I still have a little bit of vomit in my mouth, from it.