Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Do You Like Scary Movies?

Here is a quick list of some of my favorite scary movies, in honor of Halloween tomorrow. These aren't really in a particular order....just as they come to me.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Bullshit Election '08

This is the funniest thing The Onion has ever done. If you're like me, and you HATE election time...this video is for you.

Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

Watch out for Bullshit in 2008. Taken from The Onion with (I hope) permission, since they included an embedded link to it. I'm just doing this to cover my own ass in case they get pissed at me and shut down my blog and then the 6 people who read it will be disappointed.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

General Tsao's Moon Chicken

China launched its very own lunar probe today. This marks the beginning of a new ten year plan to get China on the mood and begin colonization prodcedures. Ok, I made up the colony part. But seriously, the country with a population of 1,321,851,888 people (which is roughly 20% of the total world population) is setting their sights on the moon.

I bet they have plans to start making houses up there. After all, they are totally running out of room on Earth....aren't they? With that many people I would think they would be searching anywhere to put up new housing. The moon makes the most sense, in the long term. Talk about freedom! Sure, the 'no oxygen and water' thing might become a hiccup, but I'm sure they'll figure something out.

Kudos, China.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Dumbledore is gay

Not quite the title header you would expect, I know. I didn't expect to read about this, today. I was just sitting here drinking my tea and postponing the inevitable work boredom when lo and behold, a gem catches my eye: JK Rowling has stated that Albus Dumbledore is not only one of the greatest wizards of the series, but he's also gay.

Ok, most of the time I could predict where JK was going with the story and plot...it's hard to confuse me and even harder to surprise me. But this...I did not see coming. Kudos to JK for this last minute post-wrapup character plot twist.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Ask Shanshu: Today's Music

Why is it that today's singers almost always sound like shit in real life? I just listened to Rhianna live on TV, and she can't even carry a tune.
-Annoyed With Today’s Music

Dear Annoyed,

Popular music is changing. Most performers today are products of synthesizers, acoustic technology, bass, trim, audio manipulation....it's more digital than anything else. They are simply whored-out performers now; manufactured automatons created by the record industry and studios like Disney in order to maximize profits and increase shareholder wealth. They are created for, and paid to, entertain. Very few have any actual talent. The same thing can be said for that hooker on the corner.

Look at people like Paris fucking Hilton. Her song was actually on the charts for a bit. Is she a musical talent? Hell no. Does she come across to you as a musical prodigy? No, she can't even spell that. So why was her song popular, even for thirty seconds? The answer is, her "music", along with her "acting" and her smelly “perfume” foulness, was manufactured in a lab...nothing more.

The same can be said for Lindsey boobage Lohan. Her “song” was nothing more than backbeats, sound effects, and audio backup. Remember when she got caught lip syncing? Ask her to sing you “Happy Birthday” and you’ll end up ripping your own ears off to avoid the shrill shrieks that emanate from her throat. Quite frankly, I am not interested in what’s coming out of her throat, rather than what’s going into it.

Studios can make anybody sound good, with the right equipment and editing. Most of the time when we hear these performers in real life, we are shocked at how lame they really are without a studio and 116 takes to get it perfect.

Most music today is lame, in that regard. There are some performers who I feel are very talented, and I enjoy listening to them. Most of time though, it’s nothing more than a load of audio smoke and mirrors to cover up a blatant lack of talent in an attempt to make more money for the studios and the entertainment producers.

Have a question for Shanshu? Send it here: shanshu311@yahoo.com

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

USB: Useable Sweet Batteries

So this is the coolest thing this week. Well, maybe just the coolest thing today.
Talk about handy...they now have rechargable USB batteries. No more of that antiquated "old school" power outlet crap. No, sir. Just plug into the closest USB port and in 4 hours you are up and running.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Apparently, I Should Fall Down More

According to a few of my friends, I'm a complete idiot. They assume that I walk around all day with a bucket on my head, bumping into things and getting into trouble by drinking the stuff under the sink.

I'm not sure why I've been branded as a moron by some of these people. You would think, since they know me and supposedly respect and like me, that they would not assume I ride the short bus to work on a daily basis, or punch my own face when I hear a loud noise.

But that is not the case. They assume I am so stupid, I can't spell my own name.

I'm always the one who gets the "let me explain this to you" speech. I never ask to be schooled in the ways of things, but somehow I must put off an air of "please teach me" because everybody seems to think I require this. I don't mind learning new things, of course. But it starts to get annoying when people try to "teach" me things I've already learned. It gets uber-annoying, when it's something that I would consider common sense.

"Shanshu, ASAP is an acronym for "As Soon As Possible." I bet you didn't know that, so I'm telling you."

"Hey, Shan....don't forget the meeting is at 8:00am. That's in the morning."

Me: That new game for the Xbox looks fun.
Ted: You don't have an Xbox, you have a Playstation. You can't play that game.
Me: Um....I know that.
Ted: Oh. I assumed you didn't.

Maybe it's a guy thing. You know, one of those penis things that makes guys want to prove each other wrong and make the other one feel like crap, just to feel superior and glorious in victory? Since we can no longer battle for dominance or hunt our own food, we feel the need to conquer women and hit each other with metaphoric clubs to show we are the dominant males of the circle?

I'm not sure what the answer is. Perhaps there isn't one. Or perhaps, I'm just too stupid to see it.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Math and Sex


That's the number of times I looked at porn yesterday.

Monday, October 01, 2007

The Britney Trainwreck Continues

It's like watching your friend puke all over themselves at a party. You don't want to look, and it disturbs your stomach and makes you want to look away...but you can't help but laugh at the same time.

Other people's pain is funny. Especially when it's an annoying, trashy, burn out like Britney fucking Spears. I just can't give her or Paris Hilton enough shit.

Apparently, Britney has lost custody of her children to the somewhat lesser of two evils, Kevin Federline. I suppose he's watching Blue's Clues with them as we speak and NOT doing drugs or forgetting to shower.

I'm glad the courts think they have the children's best interest in mind, and NOT a bullshit teenage desire to be on TV or in the media spotlight. I'm sure that it makes more sense to have the kids be with the out of work, trashy broke guy as opposed to the almost-out of work, trashy rich girl. I'm sure there's a fly in that logic ointment, somewhere.

I mean, seriously. How bad of a parent are you, when a judge decides that fucking K-Fed would be a better role model and parental unit to your children? Time to self-evaluate, I'm thinking.

Rock on, Britney. Your plan to reduce yourself to Miss Dairy Queen Employee of the Month 2009 is well under way. Be sure to eat more ice cream and forget your manners. Oh, and start practicing wearing paper hats along with your fake hair. They can be tricky.

In other, more important news:

Flower, the lovable matriarch in the hit show "Meerkat Manor" has recently passed away. Details are sketchy at this point, but what we do know is that Flower has proven herself to be a better mother than Britney Spears.