Monday, August 29, 2005

Car Accidents and Naughty Confessions

Ok, I know I promised you some car accident update blog posting crap today...but to be honest the whole thing has become a very annoying pin in my butt. I don't want to re-cap the past. I don't have any desire to cleanse my inner aura or share my feelings. The stupid bitch rear-ended me and then she tried to tell the police/insurance that it was MY fault. Then I went crazy with rage and spent the better part of my Friday on the phone. Now, I just want the whole silly afair to be over with and that means no posts about it. I'm fine, the car is fine (very small ding on the bumper) and the girl that hit me is a bunny bitch.

Moving on. I thought I would share a collected mass of random comments I've picked up recently from the Confessions site. I love to read stuff like this, because it lets me know that there are some wicked, screwed up people out there. Their pain makes me laugh.

Happy Monday. Oh, by the way: I didn't take the time to edit these people's confessions...so I'm sure there are grammar errors, spelling, punctuation, etc. So please ignore those and remember that it wasn't me wrote them. Enjoy.


People's Confessions:

"I hate old people. The way they dress, the way they think, the way they're coddled by the government. When old people complain about their lives to me, I want to kill them, because they get all the breaks and I can't make ends meet and am already 20k in debt just trying to put myself through a state university. Run by fucking old people."


"My boyfriend, my best friend, and I broke up a few months back. He wanted it more than I did. He's now dating this redheaded girl with one of the nicest bodies I've ever seen. She's sweet and nice and I'm cynical and suspicious of everyone. But everyone agrees that she must be the shallowest, most immature little girl they've ever met. He started dating her because he wanted a simple relationship, and he got one. But there are times, when we're all hanging out, I can joke and laugh all I want, and I'm just picturing sitting on her back, her hair wrapped around my fist, slamming her face into the pavement until it's a bloody, ruined mess. What's worse, I think I'm capable of it, too."


"My ex-fiance is now dating my what-used-to-be best friend. I know, it's sad... but she's fat, ugly and down right stupid. And I'm not. So I guess its okay. "


"People are always bringing in various chocolate and sugary treats to my office. I love sitting around, watching the fat ones getting fatter and knowing that I am better than they are because I resist."


"I hate everyone who fucked my girlfriend. Simple, isn't it? It's for pure jealousy that I get so angry that I could... but you may understand me. Don't you?"


"I love him, I want to tell him so bad. I have put on 24 pounds since we last met. I stil talk to him online but will never hint at the fact I want to see him again. I want to lose weight first, but I can't stop eating. I love him and he has no idea."


"I allow my friends to grow distant from me and act like it's their fault."


"My friend and I used to play "doctor doctor" when I was 9 and her, 11. She would undress me and stroke my private parts and tell me this is what doctors always do. We did it all the time when our parents were having our weekly christian prayer meetings at her parents place. The thing is, it actually felt good. So am I lesbian or not?"


"I dumped my oldest and best friend because he was brain-damaged from doing too many drugs. At least that's the excuse I used. The truth is I was embarrassed to have him for a friend because he was still a "hippie" and I felt I had moved on into a better, "professional" phase of my life. Since then I have fallen on hard times and there have been many times when I wished I had my old friend back - even though the drug problem might still deep-six the friendship. But I do miss the good times."


"I confess that a digital camera can add a whole new dimension to sex. My boyfriend and I have made movies of ourselves having sex, and I have made them of him as well masturbating for me or even just being naked on it for me. Thank you Sony!"


"If i like something I cannot stop until it is all gone. A whole BBQ chicken was my latest victim. I feel like a socially acceptable serial killer as i make my way through all things consumable."


"I ran away and i did not look after you because i wanted a chocolate bar. i ran all the way back though, i swear i did, but when you asked for some i just said no. you're too fat anyway, i felt sorry for you."


"I'm a writer. Here is my rough schedule: boot up computer. Check email. Look at porn sites. Check notproud.com. Check email. An hour later, do some work, about 1/2 hour's worth or even less. Eat. Check email. Check notproud.com. Look at porn sites, jerk off. Check email. Think about doing some work. Eat. Work out. Check email. Read newspaper. Check notproud. Com. Check email. Work. Eat. Check email. Look at porn sites, jerk off. Do some work. Check notproud.com. Check email. Make some phone calls. Chat in instant message with a stranger. Check email. Holy cow, it's 5 pm! Time to quit."


And my personal favorite:


"I once backed my father's car into my grandmother's car and left a HUGE crease in the side of my grandmother's car. The next day I pointed to the crease in my grandmother's car to my dad: "When did that happen?" I asked. My dad was so mad he took my grandmother's license away and she never drove again. I didn't really feel that bad, since she was always mean to me and her driving did suck. Oh, yeah, my dad gave me her car. Sweet."

15 comments:

Ms. Adventures said...

Oh my gosh, I love reading those confessions. I've been looking at that site for quite a while now. I especially like the lust ones! Those rock!

Happy Monday to you too!

Spinning Girl said...

A site like this makes me realize that we are not alone.

Justin said...

Wow, I've not seen that site, but I visit post secret alot. (Not sure the URL off hand, there's a link on my blog).

Crazy stuff! I know you don't want to relive that car thing, but I hope they figure out she was at fault. I had the same issue in Wichita (but I wasn't rear-ended, just not at fault but the crazy lady said I was). Mine got figured out, I bet yours will too!

Heather said...

LOL Those were mean and cruel and bunny hilarous.. You really rock :)

yhhjnut

babyjewels said...

This stuff is great. I love secrets. Nice find.

Pizzle said...

Pardon me. I have nothing to say.

Rowan said...

that last one was brutal, but extremely funny nonetheless.

Pizzle said...

Some of these are really entertaining...

The obnoxious:



Sometimes after a hard days work I just want to come home and stick my cock in my girlfriends mouth and say "suck it hard baby. Suck it like my receptionist did just the other day" then I squirt a load all over her face, and smack her if she cries.



...and the surprising...




I love her so much. I want her. Shes so beautiful. Shes so beautiful in every single way. To me, shes perfect. I don't care if she thinks she has some imperfections. It is her imperfections that makes everything abt her so perfect. I love her so much. Everyone is against me of loving her because they know she has hurt me too much. But I can't let go. I don't know how to. I just love her so fucking much. I just want to hold her in my arms and never let her go. Oh what the hell. I'm a girl myself. Man this really bites.

Ms. Adventures said...

yowza!! NOW that's some shit right there!

Kay said...

Wow. I check Post Secret, but I'd never heard of this. Thanks Shu. Ssome of these are hilarious... and some are just good.

EBethToThePowerOf? said...

I feel kind of dirty reading some of them, like I am rubbernecking.

HighMaintenanceHussy said...

it's like the blog version of taxi confessions, or whatever that HBO show was called.

i identify a little too much with the writer one.

l'il bear said...

Yeah - rehashing the past is bad for the chi. ;p

The confession site is great isn't it! There is some really sick bunny stuff on there. Love it.

g_samsa said...

I read every single word of that as well as every single word of every comment here. It's amazing to me how people are. What has to happen in one's life to be so depraved? That first one that Pizzle put up was a window into a really screwed up guy. I guess they're all screwed up. You know, we walk around these people every day. I'm just glad when I make it though a day without thinking of all the screwed up thoughts people have all the time.

Like Ashley said "yowza".

I didn't know about these sites. I'll have to check it out for myself.

Rowan said...

yeah, post secret is cool, but now I have this to check too! Just adds to the sick-fuck list I check regularly already. Wow, united we're nuts!