Friday, August 19, 2005

Chinese Tattoos and Sex: Part 2

After the incident at the Chinese restaurant, I headed for the car and whipped out my cell phone. As sweat trickled from my brow, my fingers pressed the buttons with such feverish fluidity that I felt as if I was possessed by Nike himself. There was only one person I needed to talk to: Connie. She alone had the answers I sought in regards to the mysteries of my tattoo. She alone could help me.

The line rang and rang, but there was no answer from the other end. She was not available to take my call at the moment. Bollocks. I resolved to send her an IM as soon as I got to work on Monday and inform her of my dilemma.

Later that night, as I was sitting on the couch and feeling sorry for myself, there was a knock at the door. I got up to answer it, and before I had the chance the door swung open. Jen stood there, holding a box of Kung Pao chicken and wearing a huge smile. I started to thank her for the dinner, but then I noticed there was somebody with her. It was a cute Chinese girl, but it wasn’t Connie…it was somebody else. Apparently, Jen had gone to another Chinese restaurant to pick up dinner, and had run into this girl (Yen) who worked at the counter. They had started talking, and Jen told her the story about my tattoo…I guess Yen found this story to be interesting enough to follow Jen over to our place so she could personally examine the tattoo and inform me of its meaning.

So while I enjoyed my chicken, Yen took my arm and looked at my ink. She informed me that the symbols on my arm did in fact mean “honor”, and that I had nothing to worry about. Most likely, the old people at the restaurant were just being polite and nosey. I breathed a sigh of relief, thanked Yen and went back to my meal.

After dinner, the three of us sat there chatting about tattoos, China, and the theory of reverse propulsion dynamics. Ok, ok…we talked about the philosophy of the Matrix. But the other one sounded much cooler, didn’t it? Anyway, while we chatted and hung out, Jen decided to make the night more interesting by making some drinks. Sadly, that night was not a good night to experiment with the Gatorade Rum theory, so we stuck with the basic rum and coke.

We had some drinks, and told some secrets. I might have even told a few lies, I’m not completely sure. Things began to get fuzzy around the time Yen decided to prove to us she had a dragon tattoo on her ass by stripping down to her underwear and doing a spontaneous fashion show twirl right there in the living room. I like dragons…they’re sexy.

Jen decided to encourage the situation by throwing dollar bills at Yen while she proceeded to dance white trash stripper style on the kitchen counter. I sat back and watched the scene with some trepidation, because the Kung Pao had upset my stomach a bit and it was a school night, after all.

Soon, things progressed as they should when given the proper formula of alcohol, sexy tattoos, and body shots. I won’t bore you with details, because I know that none of this interests anybody…so I’ll just sum up as best as I can, without getting too graphic or intense. Any and all of the following words and phrases can be used to describe the remainder of the evening:

Kiss, rub, lick, stroke, kung pao, dollar bills, dancing, hair, balcony, smoking, shots, coke, rum, Gatorade, bandages, inhaler, bed, pillow, thong, tattoos, spanking the dragon, oral bunny, screaming, pounding, sticky, phone, the number 3, biting, hide and go seek, toes, slurping, milk, ears, and shower.

The next day at work, while I attempted to gather up the courage and willpower to perform my corporate duties with flair and intelligence, I was able to get a hold of Connie. She informed me that my tattoo was correct, that the people at the restaurant were just being nosey and that I had nothing to fear. I thanked her and went about my daily routine of spreadsheets, databases, and emails while thinking about kung pao chicken and Chinese dragon tattoos.


Shanshu said...

Ok, I might have made some of that up.

g_samsa said...

It's a great tale even if you did make some up. That's what makes writting so good. Love it! Ever consider a profesional writing career? Highly entertaining.

Justin said...

Wow! Not just a cliffhanger, but a plot twist! And "playing hide and seek" that's just outright awesome! ;)

You sir, are my hero.


Shanshu said...

g_sam: funny you should mention that...I'm going to school in January to seek out my creative writing/journalism degree. thanks for telling me I don't suck!

justin: Well, everybody seemed a bit irked about the cliffhanger yesterday, so I thought I'd give it my all.

Crystal said...

Gotta say, I'm a bit dissappointed. I was hoping the tat would actually mean something other than honor. Oh well.

I like gryphons...they're sexy.

Danius Maximus said...

looks like you got lucky...THIS time

Pizzle said...

Good stuff!

I'm quite the fan of the "random words to describe the story" section. An ingenious way to tell the story, true or not.

My favorite line is, "possessed by Nike himself"...subtle, yet hilarious.

HighMaintenanceHussy said...

Hey, congrats on starting school in creative writing; my BA was in English with an emphasis on creative writing.

I've got a list of books that are extremely helpful for the beginning writer...let me know if you'd like to hear it. :)

Shanshu said...

hmh: I would love a list of books like that! you can email them to me at if you would like.

Or you can post them here.


Crystal said...

so, I've been meaning to ask you for awhile...who do you think shanshu was refering to; Angel or Spike?

Shanshu said...

I am 100% torn on this issue. While I would like to assume it is Angel, it is hard to ignore the fact that Spike CHOSE to get a soul; while Angel was cursed with one. +1 for Spike, in that regard.

Honestly, I think the prophecy is like every other prophecy on Buffy/Angel....confusing and full of double-meanings. So...I like to think that the prophecy refers to BOTH of them.


Crystal said...

Interesting. Interesting. If you ever want to chat more about it. I'd love to, but I don't want to take up your comments section with it. You should IM me sometime. Messenger -

Shanshu said...

Oh! I never get to do IM with my blogger buddies! This is very exciting for me!

I shall send you a message directly.

drunkbh said...

inhaler, milk, bandages.

I don't think I want to know how they would fit into a group bunny even if it was true.

Callie said...

the number 3? splain, please.

btw- I have a dragon tattoo . . .

And the Shanshu prophesy was a bunch of bullocks.

Crystal said...

Shanshu: I probably won't get it because I use MSN messenger. I will actually be out of town for the weekend though. I'll try to catch you on Monday. :)

B.O.B.I. said...

AWWWW SHEEEEIT! You go, dog! Er, Dragon!

One question though... Inhaler?
C'mon, man.

Rowan said...

that's great that you are going to school for writing....I wish I had the guts and the gets in the way everytime...not that i'm complaining, but anyway, yours is one of my favourite blogs for writing style, might even venture to say the best writing style? Now your content, err, no comment. makes me jealous.

Heather said...

Dude.. you really are just awesome. :)

l'il bear said...

You're brilliant with this whole bunny thing you know...

"Oral bunny". Stellar. And you made 'some' of it up.

Love it. ;p

Nameless said...

because the Kung Pao had upset my stomach a bit and it was a school night, after all.

Omg, I can't stop laughing at that.
So, what you're saying is you had a belly ache and had to use the bathroom, huh?

g_samsa said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
HighMaintenanceHussy said...

Okay, the list, as promised. :)

Bird by Bird: Instruction on Writing and Life, Ann Lamott

Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within, Natalie Goldberg

Wild Mind: Living the Writer's Life, Natalie Goldberg

What If? Writing Exercises for Fiction Writers, Anne Bernays and Pamela Painter

Creating Fiction: A Writer's Companion, Fred Leebron and Andrew Levy

The Literature of Reality: Writing Creative Non-fiction, Gay Talese

Good luck! If I had to pick the one essential, it would be the Lamott. Every new writer should read it. :)

And hey, if you ever need a second set of eyes for a short story or what have you, let me know. I'd love to exchange stuff. :)

Spinning Girl said...

Kiss, rub, lick, stroke, kung pao...slurping, milk, ears, and shower.

Ooh, I had a dream like that once.

Shanshu said...

hmh: THANKS for the book list! I will check these out, for sure! And when I get something worthwhile down on paper, I will be sure to share it with you.

rowan: thanks for the compliments! you make me blush.

callie: the number 3=three people doin the bunny