Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Amazon is my Bitch



Most of the time, I am usually the type of person to fall into the "damn the man" category. I know he's out there…controlling things and keeping me down. I try as often as I can to stick it to him, and exact my revenge. Alas, most of the time he ends up bending me over and making me call him daddy, without the courtesy of a reach-around. I never win free Big Macs from McDonald’s, nor do I even bother picking up Lotto tickets. The soda machine inevitably eats my quarters more often than most, and I have very often found myself in a precarious situation because something that was supposed to go smooth as silk, turns into crap in my hands.

Not this time.

Recently, I purchased my new Harry Potter book online through Amazon.com, in the hopes that said book would arrive on the scheduled release date. It was also confirmed in my order that the book would arrive sometime before 7:00pm, and a failure to do so would result in a full refund. Groovy gravy, sounds good to me! I purchased the book, and waited for my delivery.

Imagine my complete surprise, when the book arrived on time! There were no hang-ups, whatsoever. No problems with my delivery, or mix-ups at the hospital. My book arrived in perfect condition, on time and everything. Fuck yes! The man didn’t screw me on this one; I got my book and I was happy. All was right with the world.

A week later, I am in the process of checking email, when I notice one from Amazon books. Oh, great. Here we go…I was waiting for this. Something is wrong, isn’t it? You meant to send my book the guy next door? My credit card company cancelled the order? I owe you my first born? What?? What is wrong this time, you bastards?! I opened the email cautiously…and was surprised to find this:

Dear Amazon Customer,
We apologize for any inconvenience this situation may have caused you. We are in the process of refunding your account to compensate. Please feel free to contact us with any questions.
Sincerely, Amazon.com


???

What the fuck? Refund money to me? What the hell are they sorry about? What went wrong, and why are they going to refund my money? I pondered this for awhile, until finally deducing that the email was a mistake. I deleted it, and moved on with my life.

Fast-forward to yesterday, when I was checking my online bank account and attempting to see how badly The Man had stuck it to me, this week…when I noticed a deposit from Amazon.com on my account. It was a refund in the amount of $1.00

Yep, a big fat juicy dollar. One dollar. Uno.

I stared at this for a minute, trying to figure out any POSSIBLE reason that Amazon could give me, to explain why they chose to refund me a friggin’ dollar from my Harry Potter book order. I puzzled, I pondered, I prayed…but no answer came to me. For whatever reason, Amazon had decided to just…send me money.

Well…um…ok. Damn the man! I have your dollar, bitches! I’ll buy a soda with it, and make up for all the times you lost my stupid quarters! Yeah! The system works! Balance has been restored to my reality. The universe has sent me a check to apologize, and I have accepted it. I only wish I could mail the dollar bill to Amazon.com and then have them sign it, and mail it back to me. Then I could hang it on my wall, as a trophy.

32 comments:

Nameless said...

Take that dollar and RUN!

HighMaintenanceHussy said...

rofl...

I'm always getting free CD's and books from amazon, because they get lost in the mail, then i complain, and they send out a second one. the original one will come a few days later, and they tell me to keep it and donate it to my local library.

i don't feel the least bit guilty, as i probably spend at least 1,000 a year at that damn site.

da buttah said...

the dollar was probably a mistake in shipping costs. UPS/FED-Ex lowered prices......or so my boss said.

who the fuck cares? it's like when the cashier gives you a 10 instead of a 5....your mistake, my 5 dollar increase in net worth!

Callie said...

Woo hoo! Go enjoy that soda, dude!

Shanshu said...

Well, whatever the reason...I am keeping my $1 and spoiling myself on a shopping spree!

drunkbh said...

A whole bunnying dollar. What the bunny will you do with all that?

Harry potter kicks bunny. I'm a bunnying addict.

Shanshu said...

HP kicks bunny! If it was a girl, I would grab her, and bunny her in the bunny while she bunnied my bunny because the bunny pole wouldn't work with the bunny and then I would bunny on her bunny.

Harry Potter is good.

Bashful Blue said...

I love amazon. I have an amazon cc so I get free stuff all the time from them. We could take your $1 and my $1 and maybe get fries with that soda. :)

Shanshu said...

Fries AND a soda? That's a little bit risky, don't you think? They may come after us.

Shanshu said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Pizzle said...

Great story, dude. Perhaps that dollar should go to a lottery ticket...

Who knows? Perhaps it's a sign your luck has changed!

Bashful Blue said...

I think you might be right. What if we upgrade that soda to a milkshake?

Shanshu said...

pizzle: not a bad idea on the lottery ticket. Hmm.

bashful: milkshake sounds good! we'll go with that one.

musie said...

heh thanks for the chuckle, great site.
Harry Potter and Buffy rule :)
I havent even gotton my 6th book yet :( good? please, rub it in my face!

Shanshu said...

musie: You haven't read the new HP yet? Aw, that sucks! Especially since it's the best book of the series, so far!!!!

And yes, Buffy/Angel rules.

B.O.B.I. said...

OMG ANGEL?! THE BOREANAZ!? WHERE!?

He bunnying rules so hard.

Oh, HP^6 kicked bunny, though I could have done without the excessive "positive" hormonal imbalance. And the word "snog".

Now somebody get some bunnying bunnies.

Carrie said...

Damn those penny pinchers! Freaken heathens!

Van! said...

dude thats bullshit. I hate big companies!

.: raven :. said...

um try not to spend that all in once place, k?

wildcat9two said...

thats funny

Danius Maximus said...

karma dude, it happens to all of us, usually in reverse order. I bet you my roomies left not that the next time you order from amazon not only will they mess up your order, they will sneak into your house and take back the book.

Rowan said...

This was the big refund they were talking about? LOL well, don't spend it all in one place.

Justin said...

If you invest that dollar at the top of a pyramid scheme, you could earn lots more!

-Justin

Shanshu said...

bobi: dude, you rock. It seems like everything I mention, you also enjoy. Friggin awesome!

maximus: karma is the best theory for this, I have heard yet. I'm sure The Man will give it to me, soon enough.

van: big companies are the man. DAMN the man.

justin: I thought pyramid schemes didn't work unless you're in a cult?

Heather said...

If you can get like 50 more dollars... you could get a really good blow job. :)

Ashley said...

thanks for the comment! i didn't even have to give you a dollar

Shanshu said...

blow jobs cost $51...that's an odd price.

Danikabur said...

I'd buy a lotto ticket. Still wouldn't win but its worth a shot.

Shanshu said...

It just occured to me, that I have NEVER purchased a lottery ticket, in my entire life.

I should do that. Perhaps it is my destiny to win.

Justin said...

You don't have to be in a cult, but it helps if you have a tacky green tie.

Crystal said...

"Groovy Gravy" - I'm totally stealing that phrase! :)

Amazon rocks. I've ordered all my Buffy, Angel & Scrubs sets from them - same price as Wal-Mart and shipping is free. I love free shipping. :)

You know McDonalds has a whole "dollar menu now" but then, that might just be too tough of a decision to make. You'll standing there, shifting your weight from foot to foot while trying to decide between their just-like-grandma's apple pie or the fresh-from-the-market side salad.

Shanshu said...

You are more than welcome to use the phrase "groovy gravy" as long as you give me my props!

:)