Friday, August 12, 2005

Cell Phone Etiquette: 101


I was in the bathroom this morning having a pee, when suddenly a shrill cry rang out. No, it wasn’t from me. It was from the very noticeable and annoyingly loud ring of a cell phone. As I completed my deposit in the auto-toilet and headed towards the stupid bunny auto-sinks to burn my hands, I noticed that the ringing was coming from one of the stalls. Hoping the guy was going to figure out a way to stop his phone from ringing, I began the process of washing my hands as quickly as possible, when the craziest thing happened: the dude answered the damn phone, and started talking.

I couldn’t believe it. Here’s this guy on the toilet, having a dump. Dropping the kids off at the pool. Making the brown. Going number two. While he is doing this act of nature, he answers his damn cell phone and begins chatting it up with the other idiot who called him. He actually did a courtesy flush while he was talking with this guy, and I’m wondering why his friend isn’t saying “Uh…Frank? Was that a flush I just heard? Are you…are you on the fucking toilet, Frank? While you’re talking with me? Oh, that’s just rich. Thanks a lot for THAT mental image, you bastard!”

He kept talking and talking on his phone, while he took his dump. The rest of us in the bathroom just stared at the stall door, in awe. We couldn’t believe this guy was having a conversation like this. He knew we were all listening, too…which made it even funnier in my mind.

At one point, I even saw the dude cross his feet, as if he were lounging around the house watching football. Easy like Sunday morning.

I think there are certain social rules people should abide by. Don’t pick your nose at the dinner table. Do not sleep with your cousin. Don’t throw babies at mice. Don’t ask somebody at a funeral if they are having a good day. And the new one should be: Don’t talk on your cell phone while you’re taking a shit in public.



22 comments:

Bashful Blue said...

Hubby actually confided in me once. He was at work on a conference call and needed to take care of urgent business. He took the wireless headset into the stall with him, (on mute of course). Continued on with the call. While he was being asked a question, his headset died.

Heather said...

Okay.. frankly I think thats gross.. but seeing how he wasnt on the phone with you.. why do you care?

I mean really.. out of all the things to stress about.. why not let this one go?

Shanshu said...

bashful: I find that to be ok...and funny.

heather: nah, I'm not stressed about it. In reality, I found the entire thing funny in a "dude you are messed up" kind of way.

Kay said...

Yeah.. I just can't do that. Or see doing that. It definately falls into the "not ok" catergory.

Loved your social rules by the way. Don't throw babies at mice isn't one I'm familiar with, but it works...

HighMaintenanceHussy said...

Dropping kids off at the pool! lol. I haven't hear that since the last time I hung out with my brothers.

How about second cousins, once removed?

Danius Maximus said...

dude, i always talk on the cell while taking a count dooku! thats why they made cell phones....to simplify our lives. Should someone be denied the sound of my angelic voice simply because nature calls? In fact I have been known to call people and tell them that I'm in the middle of dropping a duece. Technology rocks!

B.O.B.I. said...

Yeah, he's phoned me up once or twice and flushed for emphasis.

I try to call whenever I think he's having "guests" over. *wink wink nudge*

Pizzle said...

Huh. Two posts in a row where I'm not with ya.

It's not like they make smell-o-phones, and you're required to smell their poop while you talk to them.

I don't make a habit of doing it, nor do I sit on the pot and scroll through my phone book and wonder who I should call, but I won't let a phone call be the reason why I DON'T shit if that's where I'm headed.

Also, it really depends on who's calling me.

drunkbh said...

1st- I don't even want to be in the same restroom when someone else is taking a shit.
2nd- I sure as hell don't want to listen to anyone's conversation as they are squeezing a loaf.
3rd- If you must talk to someone while doing your buisness, don't let them know what you're doing.

Shanshu said...

drunk: amen! couldn't have said it better myself.

Bashful Blue said...

"Squeezing a loaf" that's a new one. Cute.
I couldn't agree with you more.

Danikabur said...

OMG LMFAO throw babies at mice?!!! Bunny awesome!

I agree though.. it always blows me away when chicks are on the phone while they do their business. I could never do that.

Des said...

Man, I don't even take my phone into the bathroom with me for fear I'll drop it in the toilet (again).

Nameless said...

The drummer that was in my husband's band used to call him 2-3 times a day and you could count on one of those times being from a toilet. It was normal to him. Infact his way to say goodbye was to flush the toilet. Men are odd creatures. And no I'm not saying all men. Just a select few.

wildcat9two said...

you should have turned off the lights and threw stuff at him over the stall....

l'il bear said...

Shitting while chatting - gold.

I agree, turn off the lights and throw shit. (No pun intended)

And you know damn well the person on the other end knew by the echo he was in the bathroom.

Camy Leon said...

I just hate people talking loudly on the cell in public. I don't need to hear all your business.
Dude... You just stayed in there listening while this guy was taking a shit?!?! EEEW! Did it smell?

Shanshu said...

Maybe it's not a bar they are at. She has a nametag on...maybe it's a convention, or something. And maybe it's applcejuice that kid is drinking.

Maybe?

musie said...

women dont sweat, fart, or take a shit...ever *smiles sweetly*

Larry said...

ugh.

Rowan said...

unreal

suzi said...

hehehe i was going pee in vegas and the lady in the stall next to me was having a family reunion on the phone 'put on johnny lemme say hi'
it turned my stomach - NEVER borrow a strangers phone NEVER!