Friday, August 12, 2005
Cell Phone Etiquette: 101
I was in the bathroom this morning having a pee, when suddenly a shrill cry rang out. No, it wasn’t from me. It was from the very noticeable and annoyingly loud ring of a cell phone. As I completed my deposit in the auto-toilet and headed towards the stupid bunny auto-sinks to burn my hands, I noticed that the ringing was coming from one of the stalls. Hoping the guy was going to figure out a way to stop his phone from ringing, I began the process of washing my hands as quickly as possible, when the craziest thing happened: the dude answered the damn phone, and started talking.
I couldn’t believe it. Here’s this guy on the toilet, having a dump. Dropping the kids off at the pool. Making the brown. Going number two. While he is doing this act of nature, he answers his damn cell phone and begins chatting it up with the other idiot who called him. He actually did a courtesy flush while he was talking with this guy, and I’m wondering why his friend isn’t saying “Uh…Frank? Was that a flush I just heard? Are you…are you on the fucking toilet, Frank? While you’re talking with me? Oh, that’s just rich. Thanks a lot for THAT mental image, you bastard!”
He kept talking and talking on his phone, while he took his dump. The rest of us in the bathroom just stared at the stall door, in awe. We couldn’t believe this guy was having a conversation like this. He knew we were all listening, too…which made it even funnier in my mind.
At one point, I even saw the dude cross his feet, as if he were lounging around the house watching football. Easy like Sunday morning.
I think there are certain social rules people should abide by. Don’t pick your nose at the dinner table. Do not sleep with your cousin. Don’t throw babies at mice. Don’t ask somebody at a funeral if they are having a good day. And the new one should be: Don’t talk on your cell phone while you’re taking a shit in public.