Monday, August 15, 2005
Sprint-Nextel: The Awakening
So today is supposed to be a big, exciting day here on the Sprint World Headquarters campus. Apparently, the corporate executive goons decided that today was going to be "forget we crap on you on a daily basis and have fun" day. They put up fliers and banners and signs in an attempt to stir the workplace party animal within us. There are yellow Sprint/Nextel merger signs all over the damn place...it's a sea of yellow and black bumblebee styled delight. Warm fuzzies? Not so much.
This kind of corporate camaraderie has never drawn my attention, nor kept my interest. Since I’ve never really been happy sitting at this desk, doing the boring crap I do I can’t really get involved and excited about some of the shit they come up with over in human resources or marketing. Hawaiian shirt day? Not interested. Team builders to bowling alleys? Not my thing. Sprint/Nextel yellow and black celebration day? Gag me with a fork.
The air is buzzing with the excitement of scores of wayward employees walking around their cubicle maze, trying to find the cookies and broken promises at the end of the hallway. The upcoming merger between Sprint and Nextel promises only one thing, for people like me: I’m going to have to get used to a new corporate color scheme. That’s about it, really. Already it has begun. The network homepage used to be the Sprint color of red. Now, it’s a ridiculous bright yellow that is splattered all over the place like some sort of radioactive urine. People are walking around today wearing officially sponsored merger shirts. These people crack me up because this is the best that their week is going to be…getting to wear a tee shirt at work with some sappy workplace slogan like “Sprint and Nextel: Working Together” as they walk through the building feigning joy and excitement so the boss will look favorably on them.
That’s not my thing. I’d prefer to sit here at my desk, and pretend that none of this is happening. I do not want my daily routine of suck to be interrupted by fake corporate happiness and such. Anybody here ever watch the show Dead Like Me? If you do, then I can sum up what this place is like today: The Happy Time temp agency and Dolores in her full happy-go-lucky splendor. Or, for those of you who don’t watch the show: It’s like…eating poison hidden in candy. The sugar coating, fun outside tries to mask the horror and evil within.
That about sums it up. Today's "act like we're happy about the merger" day makes me want to vomit up my own spleen. I just hope I can find enough things to occupy my time, so I don't have to interact with some of these mindless corporate robots who think that the secret to happiness is carrying around balloons with corporate logos and eating frosted donuts in the breakroom. Is it too early for a drink?
Happy Monday, my faithful but few readers.
RANDOM: On the way to work today, I hummed the theme song from Airwolf. I’m not sure why…since I haven’t thought about that show in like 17 years. My brain is officially trying to fuck with me on a daily basis, now.