OSW and Shanshu's PC Woes

Happy Office Supply Wednesday!!

This is my Roy Williams bobble-head doll. He used to be the head basketball coach for KU until he sold out and moved back to North Carolina. We miss him terribly, since our team has turned to crap ever since he left.

Sometimes, I have to turn him around because I can't look at his face.

So, here's what happened to me yesterday, in the style of "The Night Before Christmas":

T'was the day before Wednesday and all through my home,

Nobody was stirring, since I was alone.

I went into my den to use my PC,

while visions of Blogging danced around within me.

I noticed some SpyWare and even Viruses, too.

So I decided to get rid of them, with no more ado.

I paid fifty dollars for some software to cure

the spyware and viruses; to kill them for sure.

But what did I see with my own little eyes?

The software was bogus! The fix full of lies!

My money was gone and the Spyware remained,

promises of online safety and protection were feigned.

I cursed and I spat, and shook my fists in the air,

but nobody heard me, there was no one to care.

I called Dell Support and begged them to help me,

and they said they would...for a large fee.

One hundred dollars later and two hours more,

and my computer was more broken, then it was before.

"We cannot fix it." they said and they sounded quite dumb,

while I sat in my den and I sucked on my thumb.

"Your hard drive has crashed, there is nothing to say,

we here at Dell hope you have a very nice day!

"A new hard drive we will send you, and this one will work!"

they told me as I tried to stab my wrist with a spork.

I jumped up and down and felt so much better,

and then I sat down to write a nasty letter.

Screw Hackers! Screw Spammers! Screw all Spyware too!

I wrote about how they had spat on my shoe.

Then I went up to my bank to tell them the story,

only to find out that they had no money for me.

One hundred and Fifty dollars the total I lost,

to learn a good lesson at oh such a cost.

So now I am wiser, and more bitter still.

Of all the spyware and viruses I've had my fill.

So to all of you out there who are not quite protected,

buy up-to-date software or you too will be infected.

So I say to you all, Happy Computing for you!

And to Spyware and Hackers I say fuck off.

Friday Fantabulous

I don't have anything to say, today. I have nothing to say...except to say, that I have nothing to say. So I guess you could say, that I only have one thing to say, which is that I have nothing to say, and that's the one thing I have to say.

So, now that we've cleared that up...here's some pictures of a girl with large breasts who looks 17 years old, but is probably closer to 37 knowing the way Hollywood changes people. Enjoy, and Happy Friday.

World AIDS Day 2005

Today, December 1st is World AIDS Day. It's the day when people around the world are meant to stand together in one voice, and say "We will defeat this horrible epidemic that has swept across our lands!" while holding hands and praying for a better future. It's the day when awareness is raised, donations are given, and celebrities give speeches.

This is my first time ever hearing about it, which does not surprise me one bit. I've commented before about the lack of media coverage of AIDS, and how it has become an "Out of sight, out of mind" epidemic that gets less spotlight time than David Duchovny lately. (Read my post about the lack of AIDS media coverage here)

I will say this, though: the coverage this year must be better than last year, because last year I don't remember hearing about World AIDS Day whatsoever...so the fact that I know about it this year is a plus in the AIDS Media Marketing column.

CNN even gave it a headline. Not THE headline, of course. That would be too much spotlight. But they did give the AIDS day a headline, and that's all that matters.

Anyway, happy World AIDS Day 2005! I encourage you all to spend some time today (if even a few minutes) reminding yourself about the horrible problems of AIDS, and that it is something that is still a plague on our world. Maybe you could even go so far as to wear a red ribbon. I know that ribbons are symbols and many people don't like symbols...but symbols are cliché for a reason. Try it out...it's not that bad. I promise it won't make you look fat.

OSW, Mr. Miyagi, and Annoying Puzzle Games

Office Supply Wednesday:


Well, I can't post a photo of something in my office today, because I left my camera phone at home. Yes, I'm retarded. But rather than not participating in OSW, I have decided to use a picture I found on google that had something to do with sexy offices. Enjoy.

Oh, and not to forget: Last week's winner of Office Supply Wednesday would have to be our favorite Dirty Blonde Drunk Chick. Why is she the winner? Well, I'll tell you...it's because of that silly tree. I don't know why, but it makes me giggle. So, congrats to drunkbh!!

On a Sad Note:

I just found out last night that Pat Morita died on Thanksgiving day. This is very sad to me, because I grew up watching The Karate Kid as a child, and the fact the Mr. Miyagi has left us forever is a tad upsetting. I hereby offer up a moment of blogger silence for one of my favorite childhood characters.

...

Annoying Puzzle Game:

Ok, normally I love games that require you to think, solve puzzles, and generally be clever in order to win. What I don't like, however, is not figuring them out. Pizzle sent me this today, and I'm ashamed to admit that I can't figure out the last puzzle. This Rubik's Cube of Death and Annoyance makes me want to punch the desk and shout curses at the skies. I offer the puzzle to you, so you can complete it and laugh at my inability to logically put together a fucking 3-dimensional cube.

Play the game here

And now for something completely random:

Last night, Jen and I went out to dinner with friends. During the course of the meal, it had been brought up that I had been sleeping on the couch recently. As I made it clear last night, I am not sleeping on the couch because I am in trouble. Jen has been restless lately, and constantly wakes me up throughout the course of the night, ergo me and the couch have gotten very close lately. Anyway, as Jen was telling the story last night, she used the following phrase to explain the situation:

"Shanshu has been sleeping on the couch because I've been bad in bed lately."

There was a moment of silence at the table, as everybody digested this. Then, we all erupted in laughter as Jen's face began to turn bright red. Apparantly, being good in bed is very important to me...

Backwards Parking

You know what I don't get? Backwards Parking. The whole thing just makes me shake my head and laugh, for some reason. I know that certain driving situations require you to back-up to park...but most of the time, people do it because they want to. Personally, I've never really been in touch with the need to take the time to back my car into a spot, so that later on I can have the chance to simply pull forward and continue on with my driving experience. I know some people who backwards park, and I always giggle to myself when they do it. Why? Because I find the whole thing to be silly, that's why.

Yeah, you heard me Pizzle...I said silly.

Most people I know who do this, claim that they do the backwards parking thing because they like the ease of simply pulling out of their parking spot and then starting to drive away. They say it's easier, and saves time. Fine, but what they don't seem to realize is that the time spent backing into the spot makes the whole "time-saving" thing a bit redundant. If you spend 10 seconds backing into your spot, and only 4 seconds leaving your spot...that's 14 seconds. Now, if you spent 4 seconds to park normally, and then later on spent 10 seconds backing out to leave your parking space...that's still 14 seconds.

I may not be in calculus anymore...but I'm pretty sure that 14-14=0, which means there is NO difference between the two numbers. So we can safely assume that backwards parking does not save any time.

If this is the case, then why do people do it? Here is my list of situations that might require the need for backwards parking:

• To make it easier to load groceries into the trunk area after an afternoon of shopping.
• Trying to scare the shit out of your cat, who up until now has been staring out the back window watching things travel away from him, as opposed to the way things seem to come at him once you start driving in reverse.
• Some form of parking dyslexia.
• You have a bomb placed on your front bumper that will explode if it makes contact with anything, including the curb.
• You need to make a fast getaway from a place you just burglarized.
• You were running over somebody while in reverse, and then noticed people looking, and so you parked "just to look normal".
• You feel you are a driving rebel who has nothing to lose, and answers to nobody.
• You think your car has a big ass, and wish to hide it from the other cars in the parking lot.
• Extra proud of your "My Kid is on the Honor Roll" bumper sticker.
• You're on a stake-out.
• You think that people who back into their parking spots are cooler than other drivers, and wish to be just like them.
• You have a fear of putting your emotions on the table, and it affects even the way you park (with your front end being hidden from view as a metaphor for you hiding your feelings from others).
• You're trying to make the miles on your car go down by driving backwards as often as possible.
• You want to make it perfectly clear to your date for the evening that you have no problem "easing in from behind".
• You believe that, even with parking, different is better.
• You like the noise your car makes when it drives in reverse. This is especially true if you have one of those trucks that makes the beeping sound when going backwards.

I'm sure there are other reasons, but I don't want to spend too much time dwelling on them. As I said, I know people participate in backwards parking, but I choose not to join the club. If you believe that you, or somebody you love may have a habit of backwards parking, please get some help. Only together, can we make a difference.

Thank you.

Now, just to ensure that there are no hard feelings for all of my backwards parking readers out there, here is a funny clip of cats doing funny things. Enjoy!

Ok, ok I'm sorry

Ok, I know that my posting lately has been uber lame and has caused some of you to seriously consider breaking into my house and forcing me to post something that helps keep you entertained. My only defense is that I have been sick, I had to work on Friday, and today was pretty busy getting ready for the December billing month rush.

While I had a few ideas for witty posts and interesting thoughts, it occured to me that I just do not have the time to be creative enough to do them credit, nor do I have the time to complete said masterpieces. Instead, I thought I would just let you know that I have not forgotten any of you...I still love you all.

Look for me, by sunrise on the third day. Look to the East. I shall return.


Oh, and just so you know: there was no Thanksgiving group bunny, although at one point something happened that came dangerously close to being the coolest thing I've ever encountered in my 27 years of life on this planet. I would give you more details, but I think my server is about to crash and I don't want to be cut off bef

The Day After Thanksgiving

It's a good thing I'm here at the office today. Otherwise I might have missed out on all the fun that comes from being at work the day after a holiday, when 85% of the population is still at home in their beds, sleeping and dreaming about turkey and dinner rolls. It's such a relief to know that while I sit here in this cubicle confine, my friends and family are enjoying themselves and taking advantage of the holiday and all that encompasses it with smiles on their faces and a skip in their steps.

Bastards.

I'm at work today, and I find it ridiculously frustrating due to the simple fact that I don't need to be at work today. You know why? Because I have no work to do. Nothing. Nada. I am sitting here staring at this screen as I write this wondering to myself what I am going to find to occupy myself for the next 8 hours. I'm pretty sure there's not enough information on the internet to keep me entertained for that long...especially since I can't view porn at work.

Why are you at work, if you have nothing to do?

Well, let me tell you. My boss decided that she wanted to have somebody in the office because it looked better for our director. She wanted us here to give the impression that we are a collective, team-playing unit who is focused on the goal of helping the company and rising to the challenge by increasing workload and helping the new paradigm business unit assess its goals and become more productive. Basically, it's bullshit. If she really gave a crap about being a team player and increasing workload, she would be here herself, instead of at home sleeping in her warm, comfy bed.

That's bullshit, Shanshu.

I know. It's repugnantly annoying. I'm so glad that all of the CEO's and Vice Presidents and Directors and Managers and Supervisors and Team Leads of corporate America are sleeping better right now at home with their families because I am here at work with all of the other pathetic, helpless losers who have no say in the process. Because of me, those corporate executives and money-pushers can rest easy because they know that while they are gone, nothing bad will happen at their precious office building like a fire because somebody will be there. I feel like nothing more than a paid human fire alarm. I should have a little fire whistle, or something.

Toot.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

Office Supply Wednesday

Happy Office Supply Wednesday!

I'm going to give props now. Props are coming. Last week's winner for OSW would have to be Badtouch with this clever, funny, and most random office supply ever: fake booby on keyboard.
Congrats, Badtouch! You've won a free oven mitt!

I hope everybody has a safe and fun Thanksgiving holiday tomorrow. Since I have to work on Friday, I'll be back to post all about my turkey adventures and fun. Until then have a nice holiday!

Blathering and Blubbering

• My Kansas Jayhawks lost last night to Arizona. Since I'm only two steps away from being a full-blown Jayhawk basketball addict, my day pretty much sucks already. Most likely, this list will suck ass, as a result. Sorry.
• My GMT conversion from UTC is UTC-6=CMT.
• I've decided that puffy nipples do not turn me on. I'm not saying they're wrong or anything...they're just not my thing.
• I'm getting a new computer for Christmas and I'm very excited for myself. Just think about all the blogging I can do when I'm not at the office! I mean...you might get as it happens group bunny stories! Holy crap, yo!
• Even though my first official day of work at this new job was last Monday, I'm still listed as a contractor on all the internal web sites, and last night my old Contractor Firm called me to ask me why I hadn't faxed in my timecard for last week, yet. Apparantly, I am a man with no work boundaries. I walk alone. I am the Rogue Cubicle Warrior.
• I've had the theme song from Highlander: The Series stuck in my head all morning and I have no idea why. I never even watched that show, dammit.
• The new Harry Potter movie kicked so much ass, I can't even put it into words. So I won't try. I did see it twice this weekend, if that tells you anything.
• I wasn't making that crap up in bullet #2. It's a conversion to Greenwich Mean Time from Universal Time Coordinate, for my current time zone (Central Mountain Time). So, put that in your pipe and smoke it.
• I'm not going to tell you the fingercuffs story because there are too many people who read this, who know me and might judge me. I want to get a house someday.
• Despite what people tell you, hot pink pants are not back in style.
• To the pregnant girl who sits across the hall from me: I'm not hitting on you when I say hello. Get over yourself.
• To the the old guy who sits behind me: Stop trying to touch me in my special private place while you're on break. It reminds me too much of Father McFeely.
• I have to work the day after Thanksgiving. That blows goats with no condom, doesn't it?
• Last night while watching the new Family Guy I realized that they use the "God as a bachelor" bit too often. It's just not funny anymore.
• For those of you wondering how I watched the new Family Guy on a Monday night, please learn all about DVR.
• If Ginger Kids have no souls, does that mean we're allowed to eat them, and not get fat?

Per Spinning Girl's request, here is a picture of Puffy Nipples (NSFW)

Gay Photo and Sexy, and Harry Potter

Ok, so this is the funniest thing ever. Are you ready for this? I hope so, because even if you're not ready for this, I'm going to bring it. Yeah, that's right: I'm bringing it. Prepare for the funny.

So, Pizzle's post about how StatCounter will show you a feature called "Came From" in which you have the chance to see how people came to view your site. Like Pizzle, most of my hits come from people and blogs that I know, but I do get the occasional random search string result that leads to my site.

Today I found the Holy Grail of all "came from" results for my blog. No search will ever be as funny, or yield the same results. The search result for which I speak is brought to you by MSN. Somebody out in the world decided they needed to search for the following:

gay photo and movie with sexy on the screen

I was the third hit on the page.

The third freaking hit about gay porn and sexy gave up my blog site as a potential match!!! Holy fucking funny, Batman! I laughed outloud and looked around the office for somebody to share the joy with. Then I remembered that I don't talk to anybody in the office unless it's work related because I hate this place. Then I stared at the search results a second time and laughed again.

Ah, to be famous. I only hope that when my new career of being sexy on the screen with gay photos blossoms into a very profitable and relaxing career, that I will find the time to continue to blog with you awesome people.

I think every now and then, I'm going to start spitting out some completely random shit, in the hopes that it will end up being something that somebody will search for, and I'll get more hits to my little blog world o' Shanshu here. Let's try it:

My guppy has died.
Girls with huge tits who love beans.
How do I fix my liver?
All anal apple puckers! Live! Free!
The grass has turned yellow.
My soul is dead.
The house is mean to me.
I fear pens.

We'll see if any of these yield me some results. I bet at least one of them will.

As many of you know, tonight marks the opening night for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and I'm sure that many of you are anxiously awaiting the time that you can go see it. I too will be seeing this movie tonight, on Opening Night. I've never liked opening night to see movies...always so crowded and noisy and full of people and chaotic and insane...ugh. No thank you. I usually wait until the Monday after, when it is calmed down and back to normal. But the girls want to go see it tonight...so Shanshu is going to see it tonight. Blech.

I've discovered that most girls that I know prefer to go to movies on Opening Night...while many of the guys that I know, prefer the calmer times to go see the movie, as I do. I wonder if this is a universal guy thing? Or just a strange cooincidence? Let me know in the comments section...I'm very curious.

Anyway, Happy Friday and remember that a wise man is only as wise as the words he says which are not dumb.

PS: I was going to post a story about group bunny and fingercuffs, but I've been laughing too much to feel sexy enough to do such a thing. So I'll just let you imagine whatever you can. Toodles.

PPS: Is it lame to use "PPS" for a second PS? After all, PS stands for Post Script and so technically, if you have multiple post scripts, there should only be PS because it's still just a post script. But then again, maybe using Post POST Script shows that you're writing something post (after) the original post script. If that's the case, then using PPS is acceptable. Right? Crap I lost my train of thought. I'd better go catch the bus.

My favorite words that start with W

Inquisitive:

• What?
• Where?
• Why?
• Wassup?
• Whosyodaddy?

Exclamatory:

• Wow!
• Whoa!
• Whump!
• Woot!

Descriptive:

• Winged
• Wet
• Wicked

Verbs:

• Wobble
• Wrench
• Wewind

Affirmations:

• Word!
• Woo!

OFFICE SUPPLY WEDNESDAY

I bet some of you thought I forgot about this, didn't you? I bet some of you were thinking, "Shanshu hasn't posted in a few days...I wonder if he's going to slack off and stop doing OSW?" Well, fear not my gentle readers! I am here, and I have not abandoned you. Today is Office Supply Wednesday, and it's time to see who's got what it takes to be a true Shanshuee (a new word courtesy of Crystal). Will you rise to the challenge, or disengage? We shall see.

Since some people require some clarification on OSW, let's go ahead and do that now. Office Supply Wednesday is a chance for you to show us things that relate to the office, or the idea of the office. These can be items like Post-Its, pencils, pens, paper-clips, staplers...anything that you might find at an office, or an office environment. Anything remotely related to desks, offices, office supplies, cubicles, jobs, or the work environment in general will be acceptable.

They can be from your desk, or somebody else's. They can be something that you set on your desk. You can make fun shapes and structures with your office supplies, if you'd like. You can just take a picture of your desk at home, or some of the things on your desk at home. You can take a picture of your favorite pen to use at work, or your phone, or that troll doll that's still sitting on top of your monitor.

If you don't have a desk or an office or a cubicle, that's ok. Just give us a picture of something that might relate to something mentioned above. Heck, a post-it that says "Office Supply Wednesday" would be fine. Use your creativity!!! Have fun with it, dammit!

If you don't have a camera...wake up. It's 2005. Live in the now.

Every week I'll try to scour as many blogs as I can to find the best picture for Office Supply Wednesday. The winner will get notoriety and fame beyond their wildest dreams, as I will post their name and their picture on the weekly Office Supply Wednesday post. Bonus points will be awarded for anything relating to group bunny included in your OSW picture.

Last week's winner would have to be Spinning Girl with her clever use of Post-It's in a crazy artistic way that made me tickle myself with glee. Good job, Spinning Girl! You've won a free oven mitt.

So, grab those cameras kiddies... snap a picture, and let the joy of Office Supply Wednesday take a hold of you!!!!!

PS: Hopefully soon, I'll have a hot-button link thingy for you to put on your blog for Office Supply Wednesday, so people can link to this wonderful new trend. It's in the works at the moment, so be patient.

Busy, Like Bee.

In case any of you are wondering why I haven't posted for a few days, I'm writing to let you know what I'm not dead, maimed, injured, bleeding, sick, lonely, depressed, bored, tired, sexually frustrated, hungry, insane, easy, cheap, dirty, smelly, stiff, complicated, angry, or limp.

I am simply busy.

Hopefully tomorrow, I can create a normal post for your reading pleasure. For today, you're simply left wondering what my left testy looks like.

Happy Monday, and remember to always look both ways before you steal something.

A Few Things That Intrigue Me

• I have no problem with taking a 2 hour lunch, or leaving the office early...but I hate to be late to work, for some reason.
• Feeling paper on my skin is the same thing as fingernails on a chalkboard, to me. It makes my teeth itch.
• People who drive 15 mph under the speed limit probably don't think they are being as dangerous as the people who drive 15 mph over the limit.
• When lighters get cold, the flame doesn't go as high.
• No matter who you are, or where you live...at some point in your life, some complete stranger will start a conversation with you that has nothing to do with anything.
• I can eat any vegetable raw, but won't touch the same vegetable once it's cooked.
• Men think it's sexy to watch 2 girls kissing...yet women don't think it' s sexy to watch 2 men kissing.
• The Boondock Saints sequel still hasn't hit the theatres, yet.
• People who put ranch dressing on top of their pizza.
• The fact that there are some indigent people out there "too proud" to go on welfare, yet not too proud to beg for money on the street.
• Carrot Top is actually funny to some people.
• The human body, and how it works. Seriously...it's like, the coolest thing ever.
• Anybody who orders a double cheeseburger with extra sauce, large fries, and then a diet coke.
• The fact that most people are so obsessed with asking "Why are we here? Where did we come from?" that nobody is asking the more important question "Where are we going?"
• Tony Danza has a talk show.
• Breasts.
• I hate cherries, but love anything that is cherry flavored.
• Taco Bell has had the worst commercials of any other fast-food restaurant for so long, I can't even remember when they didn't suck.
• Most girls believe that giving oral sex is not as personal as having sex, while most men feel the complete opposite.
• The Lincoln-Kennedy coincidences
• Cary Grant never won an Oscar, but Jamie Foxx has.
• No blogger girls have sent me a picture of their breasts yet.
• There are parts of this earth that we have never seen, and probably never will.
• Starbuck's has no problem with putting a Starbuck's across the street from another Starbuck's.
• Ginger kids have no souls.
• Office Supply Wednesday already has 5 participants!!
• The word blogger is not in the Blogger spell-check dictonary

I stole this from Rowan

NaNoWrMo and Wednesday Office Supply

Ok, so this idea of mine to participate in the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWrMo) is starting to look like a huge mistake. At this point, I'm left with nothing more than feelings of inadequacy and a violent temper towards all things creative. First of all, I decided to axe my original novel idea, and go in a completely different direction…which means that I have started over on the 8th day of the contest…which means I’m more than a week behind. It also means that I have a very small chance of actually finishing before the deadline on the 30th, which means I’m a pathetic loser. Secondly, I think my story sucks ass, and needs to be drowned at the bottom of a very murky lake somewhere. I’m not even sure where I’m going with my plot, and I’ve found that the “come up with ideas as you go” technique may work for blog posts and term papers, but it does not work for a novel.

To be fair to myself, I only write when I am at work because I don’t have a computer of my own to waste time on. And even though many people have the ability to write out longhand on college-ruled paper with their favorite pencil…I cannot do that because I hate is so much, it makes my teeth itch. So I’m left with only being able to write a little bit each day while I’m at the office, in between my awesome blog posts, and my need for online chess and porn.

*sigh*

I guess I’m going to be a NaNoWrMo failure, but that’s ok. I sort of jumped into it, without knowing what it was and so now it’s slapping me upside the head and calling me Sally. I’m expecting it to braid my hair and put me in a dress by next Thursday.

On a different subject, I’ve decided to start a new “thing” here in the blog-universe. Most of us have heard of Half-Naked-Thursdays and just recently have I heard of Self-Portrait Tuesdays and so that got me to thinking: I can exploit a day for my own selfish desires, as well. There’s nothing on Wednesdays that I am aware of, and so today is going to start being “Office Supply Wednesday”. I’m calling it that, because it sums up the whole thing rather well. I may change the name when I am more creative, but for now we’ll just stick with that.

The premise is simple: on Wednesdays, take a picture of something on your desk and then post it. It’s really that simple. Here are the rules: It must be a picture of something on your desk/in your office. It must not contain any fish. That's about it. I don’t expect this to catch on, but I figure at the very least ONE other person will do it, and then I can start telling people that I am a leader, or something. If nobody else does this, then I’ll feel like a loser and I’m pretty sure I’ll boil my own head to help quell the emotional pain and rejection.

So anyway, happy Office Supply Wednesday!!!

Sexy Star Wars Weekend

I'm not sure how my weekend turned into a geek weekend, but it did. Apparently, having no major plans by Friday can hinder your ability to have crazy naked fun time with pickles, and leaves you with very few options to occupy your time. This is when you find yourself in the mood to do a full apartment cleaning and organization, complete with sweeping the outside deck and putting all of your DVD's into genre order, rather than the previous order of alphabetical. We vacuumed, we dusted, we organized the closets...we were anal-retentive cleaning machines who were focusing on the goal and giving 110% with a new cleansing paradigm of quality control within the home unit.

That lasted about 3 hours, and then we were bored again.

Luckily, we had some friends over for a good night of geek-tastic fun: Star Wars video games and take-out food. Aw, yea. The girls were in the bedroom watching a movie (and by "watching a movie" I mean "watching a movie"...I told you it was a dull weekend) while the boys stayed in the living room defending the galaxy from the evil Galactic Empire. Star Wicky-wicky-wild fun, yo.

Since Saturday night was mainly spent playing Star Wars, Sunday was going to be a new day and a fresh start...a chance to take advantage of the weekend with fun plans, exciting meals, and good times.

We ended up having a Star Wars movie marathon.

Like I said, I'm not sure how this happened, but it did. Rest assured that next weekend will be different...next weekened, we'll be sure to watch Harry Potter and play magic games. Woo!

Happy friggin Monday.

It's Friggin Friday, Bitches!

A Friday Haiku:

The end of the week,
the start of my weekend fun,
Monday can suck it.

A Friday Joke:

On Friday, two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

A Friday List of Random Thoughts:

• The word ALSO is the most deceitful word we have that I can think of. Think about how often we use it, to help cover up our lies? When you send an email to a person that starts off with "Hey how are you? Hope things are going well" but then say "Also, I was hoping you could stop shitting in my yard" , the word also becomes the lie word. As if the entire purpose of your email was to play catch-up. Please. You sent the email so the guy would stop shitting in your yard, and yet you try to make it sound like a secondary reason, just to save face. The also is your lie word...the word that helps cover up your crap. We should have a day to celebrate the crap that also puts up with.
• I had to lookup the word introspective today and I felt really stupid for needing to do that, for some reason. As a prospective writer, I feel it is my duty to know the uses and meanings of all words in the English language, or else I'm a failure.
• Last night, after doing battle with an unusually large and hostile looking spider, I found myself wondering if the thorax is a part of insects only, or if arachnids also have them?
• I've seen the word Kudos so many times today, that I suddenly have a desire to eat a Kudos bar. Remember those things? Do they still have them? I bet they do.
• Almost all yogurt tastes the same to me, unless it's blueberry. Also, the other night I had a sex dream about one of the blogger gals.
• I got a compliment today about how good of a job I'm doing at the office and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of pride and excitement. Goddammit.
• Last night, I swear I heard Jen say the phrase "Fart Pizza" to describe a cleaning product. She denies it.
• I have absolutely no plans this weekend and I don't care.
• Q is my favorite letter today. I have no reason for this.
• I found this site today and it's very interesting to me, which tells me that I am not in the mood to be working, this morning.
• Paying bills blows goats, especially when you can't afford to pay all your bills. Let's all just stop paying bills, and see what happens. We'll start on November 14th.
• I want Chinese food for lunch.

Fridays in History: Black Friday (September 24, 1869)

Random Friday Porn: NSFW

Friday's Word of the Day: Apian-Of or relating to bees.

Happy FRIDAY everybody! Also, I think I might have killed your cat.

Fonglehorns and Narfufs

There's a new Foamy cartoon out! Stuff like this helps brighten my day.

This woman is fucking crazy. I mean, really.

Sexy virtual bartenders...this is no bad here.

This kid rides the short bus to school:

I'm Flabbergasted About My Indifference

I've been starting at this screen for a few minutes now, lost in the randomness of my thoughts in a desperate search for something interesting to write about. So far, nothing has come to mind and I have been reduced to writing this inner-monologue type paragraph that has nothing to do with anything, other than the fact that I don’t have anything intelligent or witty to say, whatsoever. I do not believe I could be funny today, even if I tried to be. No joke or glib witticism could possibly overpower the apathetic feelings that are brewing within the confines of my boredom. I could give you some type of funny list, or humorous anecdote…but honestly, I wouldn’t be into the writing of it, and it would just come out crappy and forced and lame.

Instead, I’ve decided to appeal to the visual side of my readers in order to help stimulate positive feelings that may possibly lead to phrases such as “great post” or “that was good” in the comments section. If not, that’s acceptable as well.

Here’s a cute photo.

Here’s a sexy photo.

Here’s a scary photo.

Here’s a sad photo.

Here’s a boring photo.

Here’s a funny photo.

Here’s a high school photo (thanks Elizabeth)

Here’s a fast photo.

Here's a slow photo.

Here’s a photo.



Happy Wednesday, everybody. Be sure to tell somebody you love them, treat yourself well, and always rub counter-clockwise.

Post-Halloween Post

• Good news: My pirate costume came out great, and I was very happy with the results. I even got to wear a sash, which is the first time I've ever done that. Very exciting. Bad news: There were 8 other people dressed as pirates at the party I attended, so my costume was barely noticed.
• Good news: There were at least 3 girls at the party wearing corsets and showing cleavage. Better news: I got the chance to "drum" on 6 different boobies at the party. Bad news: I didn't sleep with any of them because I passed out.
• Best costume at the party: Pizzle going as Hot Shit.
• Sexiest costume at the party: Jen going as a slutty pirate. Argh!
• Coolest costume at the party: Some guy came dressed as Spike and he looked great, complete with a nice British accent. Woot.
• Something learned: Tying a corset is a difficult thing to do. It's especially difficult when said corset is applied upside down.
• Random sexy moment: At one point, a girl I had just met asked me to spank her. I'm assuming she was kidding, but since I was a pirate and had drank my fair share of rum, I took her up on the offer and gave her a nice, hard slap to the ass. She yelped and then made a sound that reminded me of how girls sound as they eat chocolate ice cream and I knew that she liked it.
• The host of the party had forgotten about the costume contest, and so he just started giving out prizes to the people he liked the most. I won a smoking baby, which is now sitting proudly on my desk.
• I just figured out that the smoking baby actually smokes, and now I'm pissed that I brought him to the office, where I can't light him up. Maybe I'll take him back home.
• At one point, I found Pizzle sitting on the hood of a car, staring out into the distance. I asked him what was wrong with him, and the most I got out of him was the following sentance: Nothing. Stomach. Drinking. Not Bad. Rest.
• How I interpreted this sentance: Oh, nothing is wrong with me, Shanshu. I just have a bit of a stomach ache at the moment, probably caused by the excess drinking. It's not too bad, and I think that I'll be ok as long as I can rest for a bit.
• Number of girls who made out at the party: 4
• Number of times guys tried to hit on my friend Christine: 2
• Number of guys that struck out with my friend Christine: 2
• Different types of candy eaten this weekend for Halloween: Almond Joy, Reeses, 3 Musketeers, Kit-Kat, Hershey's
• Different types of alcohol consumed for Halloween: Wine, beer, rum, mead
• Amount of fun had: A plethora of fun.

Happy Tuesday!

Random Tuesday Funny: This shit had me laughing so hard, I think I broke something.