Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Backwards Parking

You know what I don't get? Backwards Parking. The whole thing just makes me shake my head and laugh, for some reason. I know that certain driving situations require you to back-up to park...but most of the time, people do it because they want to. Personally, I've never really been in touch with the need to take the time to back my car into a spot, so that later on I can have the chance to simply pull forward and continue on with my driving experience. I know some people who backwards park, and I always giggle to myself when they do it. Why? Because I find the whole thing to be silly, that's why.

Yeah, you heard me Pizzle...I said silly.

Most people I know who do this, claim that they do the backwards parking thing because they like the ease of simply pulling out of their parking spot and then starting to drive away. They say it's easier, and saves time. Fine, but what they don't seem to realize is that the time spent backing into the spot makes the whole "time-saving" thing a bit redundant. If you spend 10 seconds backing into your spot, and only 4 seconds leaving your spot...that's 14 seconds. Now, if you spent 4 seconds to park normally, and then later on spent 10 seconds backing out to leave your parking space...that's still 14 seconds.

I may not be in calculus anymore...but I'm pretty sure that 14-14=0, which means there is NO difference between the two numbers. So we can safely assume that backwards parking does not save any time.

If this is the case, then why do people do it? Here is my list of situations that might require the need for backwards parking:

  • To make it easier to load groceries into the trunk area after an afternoon of shopping.
  • Trying to scare the shit out of your cat, who up until now has been staring out the back window watching things travel away from him, as opposed to the way things seem to come at him once you start driving in reverse.
  • Some form of parking dyslexia.
  • You have a bomb placed on your front bumper that will explode if it makes contact with anything, including the curb.
  • You need to make a fast getaway from a place you just burglarized.
  • You were running over somebody while in reverse, and then noticed people looking, and so you parked "just to look normal".
  • You feel you are a driving rebel who has nothing to lose, and answers to nobody.
  • You think your car has a big ass, and wish to hide it from the other cars in the parking lot.
  • Extra proud of your "My Kid is on the Honor Roll" bumper sticker.
  • You're on a stake-out.
  • You think that people who back into their parking spots are cooler than other drivers, and wish to be just like them.
  • You have a fear of putting your emotions on the table, and it affects even the way you park (with your front end being hidden from view as a metaphor for you hiding your feelings from others).
  • You're trying to make the miles on your car go down by driving backwards as often as possible.
  • You want to make it perfectly clear to your date for the evening that you have no problem "easing in from behind".
  • You believe that, even with parking, different is better.
  • You like the noise your car makes when it drives in reverse. This is especially true if you have one of those trucks that makes the beeping sound when going backwards.

I'm sure there are other reasons, but I don't want to spend too much time dwelling on them. As I said, I know people participate in backwards parking, but I choose not to join the club. If you believe that you, or somebody you love may have a habit of backwards parking, please get some help. Only together, can we make a difference.

Thank you.

Now, just to ensure that there are no hard feelings for all of my backwards parking readers out there, here is a funny clip of cats doing funny things. Enjoy!


Kay said...

Yes! I get to first-comment you back!
I have to admit I'm a reverse parker, but only when it's easy to do so. I do it at work because it cuts down on the time it takes me to escape from this place. Those 4 seconds count triple when you're leaving the office. So I'm saving 12 seconds! And the time it takes to back into the spot when I get here in the morning is a nice 10 second stall-ing-ness that I don't have to be at my desk.
So at work, backwards parking totally makes sense, anywhere else you're just a tard.

Maccafreak said...

Seriously, I'm glad someone finally mentioned it. It is silly. I have done it a hand full of times at concerts because it's a bitch to get out of venues. Now I just pull in normally and wait the traffic out with beer. Live and learn. I have noticed though that at least 90% of backwards parkers are men. Why? Can you explain that for me, Shan?

Callie said...

I think the male thing has something to do with what Shanshu said about having no problems 'easing in from behind'. Honestly, the only time I really back into a parking space is when I'm pulling into my driveway with a load of groceries in the trunk. My driveway's sloped, and if I have to get into my trunk for any length of time, I save my head from being beaned constantly by my trunk if I back in.

One funny thing I've observed is that when people back into those slanty spaces - it's stupid because if they just want to pull out to make a quick exit, they're usually driving in the wrong direction.

btw - my browser at home really doesn't like your blog layout today. :-P

Shanshu said...

I cannot explain why most backwards-parking people are men...since I do not do it. Maybe it has something to do with the penis.

You know, like: "Since I can park backwards, it means I have a bigger penis than other men" or something like that.

Shanshu said...

callie: sorry to hear that! I've had a few people say something similar...I guess the new template loads slower now, or something.

if it gets to be too much of a problem, I might be forced to switch back to normal.

drunkbh said...

Thank you!!!!!

I have friends that always park backwards. Their excuse is that it makes it faster to leave. These people also take about 3 minutes to accomplish this feat defeating the whole time saving theory. Plus, nine times out of ten, they can't get their cars in straight.

Shanshu said...

drunkbh: Amen, sister! Amen.

Crystal said...

oh i don't know. I kinda like the backwards parking. It really doesn't take much more time than backing out of a spot unless you're really bad.

Shanshu said...

Then I have to ask, Crystal: if it takes the same amount of time, why even do it? What's the attraction?

Justin said...

I have to arrive at work a good 10 minutes early, because being late is not tolerated. I spend that extra time backing my car into its spot, because even if I head to my post earlier, I don't get extra pay. So, when I do get off work, I can take off and beat the crowd out of the parking lot. :P

Pizzle said...

It has little to do with "being cool" or anything like it. Personally, if NOT faced with much traffic while parking and I have the time, I prefer to back in because if there is a log jam in the lot when I'm trying to get out, I'd prefer to have it as easy as possible. Perhaps you've seen the size of my truck.

I have no trouble backing in, and will get it on the first try.

I do agree with Callie, though...the people who back into slanted spaces baffle me. I definitely don't do that.

Think Frustrated said...

I like to back in for two reasons:

1. Because, like Pizzle, I can do it on the first try and I like to show off.

2. Because I like to do anything that takes longer just so that people will have something to blog about.

Seriously, I do it sometimes, but I don't know why. Its a compulsive behavior. Like washing your hands with steel wool, or spitting twice before getting on a train. (I'm not crazy!)

da buttah said...

honestly, i do reverse parking because uhhh..well..i can drive. and therefore, backing into a spot takes about as much time as uhh pulling into it.

ps: nothing is more funny than watching people parellel park into a spot that they can just pull into. what a fuckin hoot!!

HighMaintenanceHussy said...

I'm just happy when my husband manages to find the difference between first gear and reverse on our manual transmission.

Crystal said...

Shan; because it's different! Rebels park backwards! :)

Anonymous said...

Here are the two reasons I back in to a parking stall.

1) I drive a long vehicle, and it's the only way to get into many parking stalls and end up strait.

2) It's safer. Backing out is dangerous. If there is a large vehicle parked on your right you can't see people coming, and you're left with crossing your fingers, and backing out really slowly hoping that if someone is coming they'll stop for you. Driving out is MUCH safer. YOU CAN SEE! Have any of you ever seen traffic in a parking stall that someone is backing into? There's certainly traffic when you're backing out.

Anonymous said...

I work Valet and we are required to backwards park. Its because when someone wants a car parked, they are going inside after they give us their car. When they come out to pickup their car, they need it quickly, and the quickest and safest way to get out is if you are parked in backwards. It also helps in those spots where you cant see if a car is coming so you just have to guess. When you backwards park into a spot, you KNOW what is there and that its empty.

People that park backwards are actually the smart ones =)

JD said...

You're a F*#!%!# idiot that's all I have to say.

You shouldn't even be allowed near a car based on your blog.