Crack Found on Governer's Daughter
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Seems a bit extreme to me.
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Too easy. I'm not commenting on this one.
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Now, that is work dedication.
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Well, if all else fails...
War Dims Hope for Peace
Isn't that the whole point?
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile.
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Really? That's as lame as water leads to wet.
Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
That seems like a stretch to me.
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Doesn't seem very safe to me.
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
Puns are nobody's friend.
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
At least he's man enough to own up to his bodily functions.
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
I wonder what the penalty for skipping class is?
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Those are some tall doctors.
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
I bet they're all dead.