Friday, July 15, 2005

Infinity Negative


I couldn’t sleep last night. I’m not sure why, but I think it might have had something to do with that nap I accidentally took after dinner…or possibly it was all of the smack I was doing. Whatever the reason, when I went to bed, I found myself doing the dance of the sleepless; tossing, turning, a few arm lifts, and the occasional piruet. Sleep wouldn’t come, and I began to let my mind wander, as it often does, to thoughts that normally elude me, or thoughts that I normally ignore. Thoughts like, “Amazing. How could Cary Grant have never won an Oscar? Everybody loved the guy!” and “I wonder if black holes have black light?” would swim through my mind like fish. Most of these thoughts were random, fun, and slightly idiotic. Then, “the thought” entered my head, and I knew that I would not be able to stop thinking about it, until I went to sleep. “The thought” has plagued my thoughts for years now, surfacing only on occasions of extreme boredom and restless nights. I tried to think about other things, but “the thought” crept along my brain and started me down the tunnel of philosophical despair; a tunnel so dark and endless, it causes even the brightest souls to become dim and full of sadness.

Ok, maybe that’s a tad dramatic.

The truth is, sometimes when I can’t sleep, and I’m lying in bed naked with only my gigantic member to keep me company…I begin to think about the most random, deep, unnerving thoughts…things that make it even harder for me to fall asleep. “The thought” as I’ve come to call it, is the most prevalent. It basically revolves around my fear of infinity. No, I’m not saying that algebra or calculus scares me…well, calculus scares me. (Divergent, convergent…who cares? When do we subtract, already?) I’m saying that the concept of a human soul, being energy that cannot be destroyed, must therefore exist forever in one form, or another. The idea that I will never cease to be, frightens me.

We are beings who are used to absolutes. We live in a world of rules, with beginnings and ends. The alpha has its omega. The yin has the yang. We accept and live by the these certainties, and they help to make our lives bearable. For instance, we have created the concept of a weekend…a time that signifies the end of the week. This concept allows us to get through the work-week; to know that no matter how bad our day is on Monday…at least Friday is soon in coming. Most of us LIVE for Friday, after all. Imagine if there was no Friday…if that work week never ended?

We read books because we want to know how the story ends…we wouldn’t want to read a book that never ended. What would be the point of that? We’d get bored, at some point. There has to be an end. We NEED to have ends, in our lives. It helps to separate the differences. Summer ends, and winter begins. School starts…but it will end next year. We sleep, yet we wake up. This is how we live; this is what we are used to. This is how we exist. So, the thought that once I die, I may very well be faced with the concept of infinity…of never ending…of losing my certainty of things, fills me with dread. The thought of Heaven and Hell doesn’t even enter into it, to be honest. Sure, I’d rather be in Heaven….duh….but even being in Heaven FOREVER scares me. What if one day, I just want to stop existing? I want to stop being infinite? What if I want to have something end, but am unable to do so? What if nothing ever ends?

Then I fall asleep, afraid and small….except for my huge member…and then I wake up the next day, and life goes on. The dread of impending doom for my infinite afterlife no longer haunts my thoughts, and I am able to get on with the day.

After all, today is the end of the work week, and the beginning of the weekend.

22 comments:

da buttah said...

i liked calc. something about integration made me all hot and bothered


and think bigger more deeper thoughts: with the notion that we are free floating energy that will never die, you're huge member will go on to do even more women than you ever imagined!

Shanshu said...

I never thought of it like that....good point! My member is happy, but I still don't like calculus.

Bashful Blue said...

I've had nights like that. The more you think about it, the harder it is to sleep. To finally get myself to fall asleep, I think of it like this. I figure the world went on before I was here...but I like to think I was somewhere, (even if just a twinkle in my mom's eye). So, after I'm gone, I figure I'll be a twinkle somewhere. Probably doesn't make much sense. But it works for me.

Shanshu said...

Hey, I think that's a good way to think about it...I like it.

wrmblnwrck said...

What really weirds me out is when I start thinking where do we go when we sleep? It's kinda like a little mini death. One minute you're staring at the ceiling, then all of a sudden, you're gone. Other than the occasional intense dream, there's no thinking, just nothing.

Great, insomnia here I come!

Shanshu said...

Ah, yes...my childhood friend. I used to think about the sleep dilema all the time. So much so, that it would keep me awake, because I constantly thought to myself "When am I going to cease to have consciousness? Can I see it coming? What happens to me, while I sleep?"

I still think about it, sometimes. But the eternity thing has taken center stage.

da buttah said...

sleep is a mini death? uhh....no!

surgery is a mini death....sleep? your brain is more active asleep than awake...so how can it be death?!

Danikabur said...

Shit! Thanks a lot.. I will now be thinking of that whenever I can't sleep.

wrmblnwrck said...

I didn't mean like a clinical death or anything like that, I realize you still have a large amount of brain activity. I meant it more in the sense that with your consciousness gone, you sort of cease to be for a while.

Shane said...

Just have 4 beers & jerk off. That'll make anyone sleepy. Oh by the way, we're in KCK.

EBethToThePowerOf? said...

http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/020805/mobius-belt.gif

Shanshu said...

Rich and buttah: Ah, yes. Without consciousness, there is no existing.

"I think, therefore I am."

So...if we cease to think on a conscious level, then philosophically speaking, we cease to be for that duration of time.

I LOVE this shit. Anybody got any weed, and some Pink Floyd?

Shanshu said...

Shane: you're in KC? I thought your blog said you were in Scotland?

I'm confused. I'm in Lenexa, right now...but I miss Europe. I'm ready to move back there. kansas sucks.

Shane said...

Eh, Scotland, KC, it's all the same I guess. Except there's a lot of Mexicans in KC.

Pizzle said...

What about those of us who aren't as well hung? Will "infinity" be as cool for us?

Also, I'm sure your girlfriend appreciates the fact that you lay sleepless with "only your huge member to keep you company". She out of town or something?

Shanshu said...

Shhhhh! I'm trying to flirt with all the honies in the blog world! You're messing it up!

GOSH!

da buttah said...

ERIC! you whore!!!

god that's even hotter!

1 said...

I couldn't sleep last night either.

Very nice read...your blog.

Anonymous said...

It's ok, Pizzle. I encourage his habit of picking up other women. Our bed's never too small for one more. :)

-J

Shanshu said...

Now THAT is hot!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Mossy Stone said...

Your huge member? You sleep with your overweight State Representative for Congress?

Shanshu said...

Only when I want a vote swayed my way. Politics, you know.