Thursday, July 07, 2005

Angry Blonde Gnome Girl

Some people believe in past lives…the idea that the life we are living now, is not our first encounter with this wacky ball of water and rock called earth. Some believe, that after our death…and some sort of spiritual karma-enema…we are re-born into the world to start our adventures anew, and to learn from our mistakes. Some people believe that we continue to encounter the same people in our lives, over and over again; tumbling through the gears of the universe on the same cog, eternally searching for balance and meaning with each other.

Sounds like a good theory. It might explain the blonde gal who works with me, 4 rows down, to the left. Ever since the first time we crossed each other’s paths, she has had a problem with me. More specifically, every time I see her, she shoots me an evil stare. The kind of stare that says “Oh, you vile bastard! I hate you so much, it makes my hair hurt!”

The gravy of this whole “evil stare” thing, is that I’ve never had dealings with this girl, in any way. I’ve never spoken to her, written her an email, or ridden on the elevator with her. To my knowledge, I’ve never slept with her, her sister, or any of her almost-certainly psycho friends. If she had a dog or cat, I can say with 99% accuracy, that I did not run them over in my car. I did not steal her job, promotion, or coffee mug.

And yet…

…this rather short and pudgy girl seems to hate me with a passion that seems to spring up from within her very soul. If auras were visible to the human eye, I’m pretty sure hers would be a bright red neon glow of DANGER to all who approached her. There would be chaos, buzzing, and flashing lights reminiscent of a 1955 submarine disaster movie to announce her presence and approach. She appears to me, to be the embodiment of hatred.

Whenever I pass her in the hallway, or happen to make eye contact with her on the way to my desk, she gives me that hate look. It makes me want to walk up to her and shout “STOP LOOKING AT ME YOU CRAZY BITCH! WHAT THE HELL DID I EVER DO TO YOU? STOP STARING AT ME, IT MAKES MY BUTT ITCH!”

Alas, I have not yet had the nerve to do such a thing. Lately, my strategy has involved looking at my shoes and walking fast. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid of this little blonde gnome of anger…if it came down to it, I’m pretty sure I could kick her ass. It’s the fact that she seems to have such hostile feelings towards me that have no rational basis, whatsoever. Perhaps she was reading her horoscope one day, and it said something like: Scorpio is in the ninth house; beware the new traveler. He will deceive, cajole, and frighten the unaware. Make haste to confront him with evil, for only evil can destroy evil. Do not let one day pass, where your stare of disgust is not known, for he is the spawn of hell! Also be sure, brave Scorpio, to put toner in the printer at station 5.

That might explain it.

In any event, I’m not sure if I’ll ever know why small, pudgy, angry, blonde girl has such bad feelings for me. Perhaps I did something horrible to her, in a past life? Perhaps she remembers said horrible event, and is silently judging me? Who knows. All I know is, if you don't hear from me for awhile, please call the police and tell them to read this entry for clues. She has long blonde hair, and looks like she's made out of Nerf, or something.

4 comments:

l'il bear said...

So much passion in this girl... Maybe she actually likes you, but god forbid she lets it be known, so she disguises it in a different form.

Too bad guys don't like angry evil-eye chicks, she probably would get laid more!

Danikabur said...

Weird. Maybe you look like someone she knows and hates.

Although it could be that she doesn't realize she is looking at you that way.. I know a few girls that give bitch looks without knowing it.

Danikabur said...

I also wanted to mention.. you posted a comment on my site about audio posting. Just in case you haven't been back to read my reply I'll tell ya here.

The audio posting is actually done through the phone. Kind of like voicemail. Here is the link http://www.audioblogger.com/

Shanshu said...

The phone, eh? Interesting! Well, I might have to check that out, then! Thanks for the link!