Wednesday, February 21, 2007

*So* Sick of Britney Spears and Her Shit


Britney Spears has checked into a clinic, and I have officially decided that these are the end days. You know why? Because it seems like all I see on the news lately are celebrities being stupid, or dying, or showing their love pudding, or shaving their heads, or doing one of a hundred other stupid, attention-seeking activities that are sure to land them on the front page of any trashy celebrity magazine or even the respectable news reporting agencies.

I mean, seriously. Who really gives a shit about Britney Spears anymore? I don’t…that’s obvious. But how many of you actually care that she is checking herself into a rehabilitation “clinic”?

I used quotation marks to illustrate the point that I don’t believe Ms. Spears is in a real medical clinic to treat addictive disorders such as alcoholism. It’s probably more like a health spa complete with a recording studio and a Swedish guy who rubs her girlie parts while she forgets to raise her child for a few weeks. I’m sure she’s *so* upset at her recent behavior and she’s seeking help, even as we speak.

If you honestly believe that, please come to my house later so I can show you a 6 inch elephant with a 3 foot penis.

Remember when Britney was young and cute and popular?

I totally do. I remember the first time Britney was popular. She was in that hot little outfit and she was singing…some kind of song, I don’t remember because I was too busy trying to figure out if she was old enough to have dirty thoughts about while I masturbated to her video on MTV.

Then she was hot for awhile, in that sexy cute, innocent bend-me-over-my-homework kind of way, but then things changed, and she grew up and got trashier and then tried the whole “I’m a sex goddess” thing like Madonna did…except at least Madonna had the decency to show her boobs.

Then came the period where we forgot about her. It was a good time, filled with joy. I’m pretty sure during this time, we cured several diseases and reached farther into the universe to learn more about the cosmos and ourselves and then oh my God Britney Spears is driving with her baby in the front seat.

Crap. She’s back.

Then came the publicity again. Then the news articles on CNN abashing her behavior, while at the same time hoping for more so they had something new to report and hopefully draw in “the young crowd”.

Then she got drunk. Then she partied. Then she stopped raising her baby. Then she showed her cooter. Then she shaved her head. Now she’s in rehab.

Yawn. Groan. Hack. Puke.

I’m so fucking sick of this crap. If I were to get drunk and shave my head and put my baby at risk and get drunk again and show my dick to the world and then say “can I check into rehab so we can forget all that bad shit I did?” the police would laugh at me all the way to the jail, and there would be nobody to bail me out because my friends would all hate me for being such a moron.

Yet somehow, Britney and others like her get away with whatever they want to because the American public is insane.


Can’t wait to see what she does next. Oh, and did I mention how much I don’t care about her shit anymore? I don’t think I can stress that enough.

I’m so sick of her shit. I hope she rots in that “clinic” and we all forget her.

What a surprise...Britney didn't even last a full day. Shocker!


Callie said...

I hate to say this, but I'm hoping the judge gives custody of her kids to Kevin. At least he's trying to make money. As long as he doesn't try to rap.

Actually, they should give her kids to Christina Aguilera. She's the only one of that crowd who actually seems like she has most of her shit together.

Shanshu said...

You know, I agree. Christina does seem to have most of her shit together. I don't have much bad to say about her, which is a good thing I guess.

Think Frustrated said...

I love Christina. I'm going to have her babies. And then cook bacon with her in the nude.

The fact that you posted about Britney only fuels the fire, Shan. If you're sick of her, then just send her a hand grenade via DHL. I feel bad for her kids. No one is raising them while mommy is out flashing her nasty va-jay-jay and going to rehab.

Shanshu said...

Yeah, I know. The moment I hit "post" I sat back and thought to myself "I am only making this shit worse, aren't I?"

Oh, well. I'm sure she'll keep herself in the news without my help, anyhow. She's bound to screw up again soon enough.


Pizzle said...

Callie: Ironically...Brit doesn't have to work anymore. Her early success nets her about $20M/year, and she doesn't have to do shit. Ironic, huh...

Shan and TF: Talk all the shit you want...I'd still hit that. But I also agree, Christina is a much better choice...especially since she got her boobs.

DaMasta said...

Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! w00! man, I'm glad you're back. Sorry, I had to catch up on your bloggy for a sec there. I wuv your funny ass! :D Oh yeah, Brit-babe.. umm, she needs to lay off the mescaline, it gives you the creepy crawlies and makes it feel like there's bugs in your head and then.. it makes you want to shave your head. IM JUS SAYIN!

Steven Novak said...

I SOOOOOOO want her to end up broke and on the street...

Is that wrong of me? ;)


Arlene said...

The girl has lost her damn mind, and if it wasn't for her kids from the dumbass, I'd be with Steven! Put her ass on the street!! She looks like a street walker half the time anyway!! By the way, you're hilarious! You always give me good giggles :-)

Spinning Girl said...

freak show.

Shanshu said...

Pizzle: I can honestly say, I would not hit bald, crazy, trasy Britney anymore. But if you get the chance, please do and be sure to tell me about it and send me pictures and stuff.

Damasa: Woooooooooooooooooot! I'm back. Be sure to keep checking back and posting comments so I know you love me.

Steven: Word. I don't think I want her homeless, though. Just back in a trailer where she belongs chugging beer and letting her kids do the incest thing.

Arlene: Streetwalker Britney? Sounds like a new Barbie doll. I'd buy it. Oh, and thanks for the compliment. I blushed.

SG: That about sums it up.