Frandom

Friday+Random=Frandom. It's something I'm going to try out today, because I'm in a random mood, today. I hope you like it. Actually, I don't care if you like it...just read it.

• Somebody sent me a link to this site, which I found immensely funny, for some reason. I spent loads of time there, reading those facts and laughing at my desk. I even wrote some of my own, and submitted them. Stuff like "Chuck Norris slept with your girlfriend...today." and "The answer to life, the universe, and everything is 42 roundhouse kicks from Chuck Norris". They pretty much write themselves, though. Go ahead...try one.
• I found this picture online while looking for a new hentai profile pic for Jen. I'm not sure what the heck it is, but apparently the chick who designed it is a pretty popular 3D artist in Europe.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
• My girlfriend and I have pet-names for each other, as most couples do. As it turns out, one of them is also the name of an obscure city in Japan. How random is that? And no, I will not tell you what it is.
• The best way to make a robe of serenity is to combine boxer shorts with a cloak of evasion.
• "Los Lobos kick your ass. Los Lobos kick your face. Los Lobos kick your balls into outer space!"
• I'll give you +10 group bunny points, if you know which movie that quote is from. No cheating. Chuck Norris will know, and he'll tell me. Then he'll roundhouse kick you in the face.
• My favorite Girl Scout cookies are Thin Mints. Those things are like chocolate covered crack, to me. I can't seem to stop eating them. Has anybody ever done research on these cookies? I mean, it's like they're addictive or something. Maybe they put something in them...you know, like the same stuff they put into the KFC recipe.
• I'm planning on having a Chinese veggie stir-fry for lunch today and I'm so excited about it, I could die. I could die, because it's so lame that I'm excited about what I'm going to have for lunch I'll probably kill myself. Fucking hell.
• The atomic weight of Cobalt is 58.9332 Amu
• I wonder if they have already made a porn movie called "Brokebutt Mountain"
• Speaking of Brokeback Mountain...why are so many people talking about this movie? I confess, I haven't seen it or know anything about it, whatsoever. Is the movie really good? Really bad? Controversial? WHAT is so bloody special about it?
• Cor Blimey!
• I'm still not smoking. Except for last night, but that was only because Jen lit my clothes on fire.
• I don't know why I like to use w00t so much.
• I've had serious Buffalo Wing cravings this week. I might have to make sure that Jen and I go out to dinner tonight someplace that has good Buffalo Wings so I can eat my fill.
• Today is Mozart's birthday. You should send a card. He hasn't heard from you in ages.
• Sushi sucks. Chuck Norris hates sushi.

K-State: 1 Bush: 0

President Bush recently visited my state of Kansas in order to hold yet another public Q & A forum for the people. Kansas as you know, is home to wheat, basketball, and semi-fascist creationism ideas in our schools. Bush chose Kansas State University as the location for his recent "I don't suck as bad as you think I do" string of public speaking engagements, most likely because his staff knew that there were too many free-thinking, independent liberals at the University of Kansas (my college) who would run circles around our Commander in Chief in the intellectual sense. Luckily, there are enough home-grown, cow-fed, good ol' boys in Manhattan, Kansas to keep Bush occupied and content like a kitten with string while the cameras rolled the pro-president propaganda feeds into our nightly news programs.

The highlight of the day was a female student who asked George 'dubya why he had cut $12.7 billion dollars from the education budget. A trapped and flustered President Bush responded with a series of lame responses and feigned confusion, which prompted several members of the audience to boo accordingly. He even used the famous "I can't hear what you're saying" routine to try and cover his ass, but to no avail. Classic stuff that deserves our applause. Thanks to the Daily Show for making a clip of it.

Watch the video here

Get Thee Behind Me!

Recently, I joined the countless masses of people in this great nation of ours who have counted themselves as born again. No, I am not referring to anything as spiritual as a cathartic religious experience, or even a newfound belief in a higher deity. My lifestyle change has more to do with health and self preservation. It has to do with trying to better myself as a person, while saving my lungs and fattening my wallet. I am referring, of course, to the fact that I am now a non-smoker.

Whoop, there it is. Shake your money-maker. Feel the love. Bring on the health.

Today marks me 19th day of being cigarette free, which means that in the scheme of things I have just begun my quest, but so far I think I am off to a great start. Wow, I just realized I typed “me 19th day” instead of “my”. Apparently, when you stop smoking you start to talk like the Lucky Charms guy. Creepy.

Anyway.

As I go day by day without smoking, one thing has become obvious to me: cigarettes do not let you quit them, without a fight. They will pull out all the stops, to ensure that your transition into healthy lung freedom is wrought with consequences and pain.

The first side effect I noticed was the coughing. Dammit all to hell, I have been coughing like it was going out of style these past two weeks. You would think my lungs were healing, or something. I’ve also noticed that it doesn’t take much for me to snap like a social twig and bite somebody’s head off for no reason, whatsoever:

Chris: Good morning!
Shanshu: Fuck you! I hate you in the face, along with your ugly baby! Go to hell, you idiot! You’ve done nothing but ruin my life from the first moment I met you!
Chris: …(pauses)…So…er, does this mean you don’t want to order something?
Shanshu: (sigh) Yeah, I’ll take an Egg McMuffin.
Chris: That will be $1.08, please pull around to the first window.
Shanshu: Thanks.

Coughing and irritability aside, the only other draw back I’ve noticed so far has been the almost constant desire to eat. I’ve been munching more than a college freshman with a three-foot bong going on a seven day bender. If it’s edible and doesn’t require cooking, it’s all mine. Seriously, don’t touch my pretzels…I’ll fucking kill you.

There are other annoyances that come with quitting smoking, of course. One of the bigger ones is the boredom. Normally, when I got really bored or felt a bit ancy, I would simply step outside and enjoy a smoky treat of cancer-inducing joy. Now, I have nothing to do except crack my fingers. That tends to have adverse effects, in itself. My digits aren’t working as well, anymore. I can’t do simple tasks such as brush my teeth or use silverware to eat. I’ve got my neighbor typing this for me right now, and he is not happy with the way I keep calling his girlfriend fat.

Typist’s note: My girlfriend is not fat. Shanshu is a dickhead. He’s eaten all of my chips.

It’s been a rough journey, but I’m sure that in the end, I will be the one standing. I won’t need nicotine gum, or smoking cessation classes, or a spotter. I can quit on my own, because my will is strong and there is plenty of porn out there in cyberspace to keep me occupied until the cravings stop. Either that, or I can go next door and flirt with my neighbor's fat girlfriend.

Anyway, that is my new lifestyle change. Wish me luck, and remember to stay away from my fucking pretzels. Seriously, I'll kill you.

HAPPY OSW!

Hey, I Remember That!

Ok, so I've spent all morning surfing this site...what can I say, I love retro stuff. This place is pretty cool, as far as blasts from the past's go...but what really kept me busy was the old commercials. Specifically, the old Nintendo Entertainment System commericals from the 80's. They have ads for Lengend of Zelda, the Power Glove, Tetris...it's just too cool for school.

Not a gamer? Don't worry...this site is full of other neat stuff. Powercats, He-Man, the old Burger King glasses based on popular movies...it's all here. Even the Noid from the Domino's Pizza ads!

So check it out, it's radical...bossanova, even!

I Believe In Ninjas

Watch the video. This kid is unreal. It's because of people like this, that I fear and hate those damn dirty ninjas that are always running around. Remind me to put cooking grease on my roof to help keep my place from being robbed.

*Note* If you have trouble viewing the above clip, try this link instead.

Office Supply Wednesday

Happy OSW, bitches!!

Since I've been so sick lately, I thought I'd share my at-work cures for the sicky. Hot tea, Kleenex, and plenty of sucking candies. This cure is also effective for hangovers, broken hearts, and The Clap.

Keep It In The Family

Reasons why you might "accidentally" have sex with your hot cousin:

• You were drunk
• Unknown Family Tree
• Your dad and uncle have a really twisted sense of humor
• It was dark
• You can't back down from a "Triple Dog Dare"
• You needed to spice things up at family holidays
• You knew in your heart that God would forgive you, anyway
• Amnesia, alzheimer's...or any other disorder that makes you forget who your family is
• You ate too many "special brownies" before the big reunion
• You wanted to prove that you could rock anybody's world
• Terrorists threatened to kidnap your parrot
• You were doing research for a new acting role
• Your co-workers called you "chicken"
• Your sibling was busy

Pride? Um...nope, I have none of that, today.

This is the city where I went to college (University of Kansas, Lawrence, KS): http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/01/13/meanest.city.ap/index.html

This is the corporation I work for: (Sprint-Nextel)
http://www.thekansascitychannel.com/family/6054396/detail.html


Sigh. Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm playing for the wrong team. Oh, and everybody can just do their best to ignore the gay joke.

Why I hate the movie STEALTH:

...because it sucked worse than anything has ever sucked before in the history of anything ever sucking. I would rather kiss a spitting cobra, than watch this pathetic film again. It took away an hour and half of my life, and gave me nothing in return except a strong desire to put a corkscrew through my left temple in an attempt to dig out the pain. It was lame...so lame, it limped.


Jessica Biel was in a bikini, though. That was pretty cool. I guess the movie wasn't all that bad.

You Callin' Me Out? You callin' ME out?!

Re-creation of scene from Top Gun:

Pizzle: You're not posting, Shan. You need to post, man. Hey! You need to post!
Shanshu: [grabbing Pizzle by his flight suit] I will post when I am goddamm good and ready! You got that?!

End scene.


I know, I know. It's true. I haven't been posting lately. At first I thought it was just the hustle and the bustle of the holidays causing my lack of creativity...but here we are, well into January and I'm still coming up with fluff, or nothing at all. Granted, that picture of the kid getting tagged by the ball was pretty damn funny...but it wasn't Shanshu style blogger comedy, and I am aware of this. Perhaps I'm losing that loving feeling or perhaps the creative well of my comedic soul has run dry...whatever the reason, I think I'm going to need some help.

Until then, I guess I'm just going to have to do my best to keep you entertained. You could always send me some ideas...stuff that would be fun to read about? That might work...either that, or I could make up some stories, or tell more anecdotes about group bunny and the lack of shyness displayed at my parties...who knows.

Anyway. I'm aware that my posting is on the side of thin lately, and I'm trying to remedy it. I'm sure my creative jucies will start flowing again, soon. If not, I might have to start posting on more serious topics, like religion and the lack of federal funding for the homeless of this country.

Yikes.

OWNED!!!

Friday's Lesson: How to duck, starring "Kid who used to have a cute nose".

Office Supply Wednesday

HAPPY OSW!

This is my Family Guy wallpaper. I have it at work because it gives me warm fuzzies, and it helps me to forget that I'm work. Actually, that's not true at all. I just like to have something familiar near me while I'm in corporate servitude.

I'm the worst blogger EVER

Ok, so I admit it. I suck at blogging, recently. Maybe for a long time, actually. I know that my loyal readers are dying for updates on my Christmas party, or my New Year's Eve parties, or are desperate for new tales of Group Bunny and Chinese Food delivery girls.

Sad to say, while I have interesting stories and tidbits of info to share, I've been slacking off recently due to my lack of caring caused by holiday fun and relaxation. Not to say you are not special, because you ARE. I've just been a horrible blog host this past week.

I promise to fix that.

I really, really do. Tomorrow is my first day back in the office since before Christmas, so I promise that things will get back to normal soon. Just be patient and know that I love you all.

Especially that one girl who reads my blog topless. You know who you are.

I will start posting again very soon, but until then, think kindly of me and do not dispair. Hope remains, while the company is true.

Until then, take care of yourselves. And each other.

-Shanshu