Thursday, March 29, 2007

OMG! I am unemployed!

"Shanshu, why haven't you been posting lately?"

Because I'm out of a fucking job, that's why! Back up off my nuts!!!

Yes, kiddies. It's true. I have been laid off from my job.

Ok, I might be making this out to be more dramatic than it really is. Truth be told, I am out of a job...but I asked for it. I was laid off. Actually, I requested to be laid off. It's called voluntary separation, and it's actually a pretty sweet deal.

See, my company (who I'm not sure for legal reasons if I can talk I won't, to be safe) has been doing a lot of lay-offs for the past few years. It's been a struggle and many people have found themselves on the end of a pink slip.

To combat this, my company started a program where the employees CHOOSE whether or not they want to be laid off, and they "bribe" them to do so, in order to free up capital and decrease the worker population without people feeling like they got fired, or whatever.

The "bribe" for me is 4 months paid, standard. I get paid for the next four months, as if I was still working. I also get a bonus, and any vacation time unused for 2007 gets sent to me in form of money. I also get to keep my benefits for the next four months, along with other perks I have.

You wanna know the best part? If I find another job next company will continue to pay me my severance package.


So in theory, I could have 2 paychecks for the next four months, if I find a new job soon enough.

Pretty sweet deal, like I said.

I'm not upset about it. I wasn't happy in my job, and I didn't feel like I had any meaning, and I wasn't going anywhere, and my team was awful, and blah blah blah whatever, I'm out.

I'm fucking out, yo.

I am the master of my destiny! I fear nobody! I will grab hold of fate and shake the shit out of it while shouting to the skies "I am ME!"

Or something like that.

People keep asking me what I plan to do with myself now that I don't have to work. I keep telling them, that I have an idea of what I am going to do in about 2 weeks, but for now I plan to enjoy my time off and take advantage of the lack of work. Get my chi back, you know? Slowly puke out the stress that has sat within me for months, and become ME again.

It's time to be Zen about this whole thing.

My future plans involve Playstation, golf, and Chinese buffet. I haven't thought much past that, to be honest.

I'll have free time on my hands the next few weeks. Send me sympathy to the comments. Send me lots of comments. I want 2 per, person!!

Show me the love!


Penny said...

Dude! You win the blogger thing and now you've got voluntary separation?

You're king of the fucking world!

My hat is off to you.

Have lots of group bunny and enjoy finding your chi. :)

(VW: bgjizz I kid you not)

Shanshu said...

Thanks! I FEEL like I'm on top of the world, right now.

Your word verify was AWESOME!

Think Frustrated said...

What if you don't find a job in four months? Someone with your lack of real skills is practically unhireable in the real world. I'd go for a morning shift at Dunkin Donuts, if I were you.

Ookami Snow said...

It sounds like a very sweet deal to me if you get another job.

Kay said...

Dude, Con-fucking-grats!

You're pretty much my hero.

DaMasta said...

DOOOD! first of all, you're the best writer evah! much love to my homey. (huh) and congrat on the bookoo bucks, and hey free donuts and two checks is NOT a bad deal.. :P

Arlene said...

That means you have lots of time to read my millions of posts since I'm still stuck home :-)
Sounds like you got a great deal!! Good luck in your job hunt :-)

Penny said...

Okay...just because I do what I'm told, here's my second comment.

I am still totally jealous. I don't think they'd do the voluntary separation at my place of business: they'd have no staff left.

super mom 2000 said...

I soooooo psyched for you! Your chi has missed you. Plus I love your little cartoon at the top.

super mom 2000 said...

Oh I forgot I changed my username- formally known as bdiddy!

TrueJerseyGirl said...

You are so not getting sympathy from me. You are at home being zen-like while I am at work pretending to be busy. You should be sending ME sympathy!

Kay said...

Excuse me, but since you now have no job to interfere with your free time, would it be to much for us to assume you could be bothered to post daily? Sir.

Shanshu said...

Yes, you would think I'd post everyday now that I don't have a job.

But I bet I won't! lol

I'll try to post more often. It's been a hectic week, you know.


MsLittlePea said...

Have fun!

I'm trying to feel the zen. My husband's company is about to make a massive cut. If his head is on the chopping block I'm pretty sure he won't get a sweet deal like yours.

Anamika Anyone said...

I like you,Shanshu.

Danikabur said...

That's fricken AWESOME!! I realize from your later post that it has gotten a bit boring but that only makes it easier to go back to work when you find a new job. Man I'd love a break like that lol