Monday, August 20, 2007

A Lesson Before Breaking Up


Taken from a conversation a friend of mine had with a guy she had been seeing. Apparently, the guy freaked out when he found out she owned a vibrator. She called him recently to end the relationship, and forwarded me the conversation. I had to share. The names have obviously been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

Eve: Hey, Adam, it’s me.
Adam: Hi baby.
Eve: Listen, I really don’t think this is going to work out.
Adam: What are you talking about?
Eve: What else would I be talking about?
Adam: I don’t know.
Eve: Then why…never mind. I don’t think WE’RE going to work out.
Adam: What’s wrong? Why?
Eve: You flipped out at me over a vibrator.
Adam: Because you don’t need it anymore. LOL
Eve: Who says? Plenty of guys enjoy them too. I asked a bunch of my friends today and it seems like you’re in the minority on this one.
Adam:Whatever.
Eve: See, that’s why this isn’t going to work. You can’t even talk like a grown-up. All you ever say is ‘Whatever’.
Adam: No I don’t. Why do you need a vibrator?
Eve: It’s not about need, it’s about want. I want it. I like it. It’s fun. Why can’t you get used to it?
Adam: I won’t. It’s weird. I can understand having one if you’re single or ugly. LOL
Eve: ...Right. Well, I’m sure you’ll be happier with someone who likes only two positions and fakes orgasms with you.
Adam: Whatever.
Eve: Ok, well...good luck.
Adam: Whatever.

*click*

Now, here’s how I told her the conversation should have ended:

Eve: Hey, Adam, it’s me.
Adam: Hi baby.
Eve: Listen, I really don’t think this is going to work out.
Adam: What are you talking about?
Eve: What else would I be talking about?
Adam: I don’t know.
Eve: Then why…never mind. I don’t think WE’RE going to work out.
Adam:What’s wrong? Why?
Eve: You flipped out at me over a vibrator.
Adam:Because you don’t need it anymore. LOL
Eve: Who says? Plenty of guys enjoy them too. I asked a bunch of my friends today and it seems like you’re in the minority on this one.
Adam: Whatever.
Eve: See, that’s why this isn’t going to work. You can’t even talk like a grown-up. All you ever say is ‘Whatever’.
Adam:No I don’t. Why do you need a vibrator?
Eve: Because your penis is too small.
Adam: Wha-
Eve: Listen, can I call you back later? I’m busy using my vibrator at the moment. I’ll call you when I’m finished, and everybody leaves.
Adam: Wha-who-wh-

*click*

9 comments:

cathouse teri said...

Okay, that guys is dumb. I'm glad she found out before it went on too long. I'm thinking she should turn up her dumb-dar a little.

*Teri goes back to her vibrator(s)*

(By the way, Teri is neither single nor ugly. I think that guy should be shot for that one.)

(Yes, I am not being playful about this subject. I take sex toys very seriously!)

;)

Kryptonite420 said...

niiice. i like the way you ended it

Callie said...

That guy seriously needs a clue. I mean, two people can have all sorts of fun with toys.

I really need to see my husband soon . . .

:-D

Think Frustrated said...

Agreed. That guy is an idiot.

Crabby said...

Phew, she dodged a bullet. Nothing worse than a guy who ....er....doesn't know how to enjoy new things. LOL!

Shanshu said...

I agree, the guy was a dork. I told her, he must be repressed or something. I'm glad she cut him away before his crazy rubbed off on her!

Long live the vajayjay.

Kryptonite420 said...

you have me addicted blogging now. I never thought of doing it untill i started reading yours.

Kay said...

Dude, your ending is way better.

And that guy must have been Amish or something. Because seriously...

I hope my little brother doesn't end up like that... He lives with my uber-conservative parents who don't even keep alcohol in the house. Damn shame, damn shame.

Shanshu said...

kay: I like my ending, too. I wish she would have done it!

krypt: I'm glad I was able to spark your interest in blogging! Keep it up, yo.