Wednesday, May 16, 2007

The Sub-Mariner? WTF?!

Well, Hollywood has done it again.

I have always found it unbelievable that Hollywood thinks we are stupid. They must have some sort of crack team of people who do nothing but sit around all day and try to think of new ways to screw us out of our hard-earned money. I don't mind that they have such a think-tank...I mind that these people have no fucking sense of Independence or individuality.

Not to mention the fact that they couldn't come up with an original thought if it came up behind them, bent them over, and rammed their corn hole.

Speaking of anal rape...Hollywood is trying to get up our pants yet again. In their apparently endless quest to exploit anything remotely related to comic books or the Marvel universe...there are rumors spreading around that Hollywood's newest bullshit movie is going to based on.....get this...the Sub-Mariner.

For those of you who didn't watch Saturday morning cartoons as a child, the Sub-Mariner is an obscure and not well liked character from back in the day. He was the Prince of Atlantis who had the ability to breathe underwater and had super strength. NOT the most interesting character, I know. That's why nobody had a Sub-Mariner lunchbox or tee shirt.

He was lame. Not Aquaman lame...but pretty fucking lame. Lame enough to be ignored and forgotten...until now.

Fucking idiots up in Hollywood's movie idea "think" tank have struck again. Keeping themselves out of the unemployment line once again by pitching a movie idea that is just sad. Not just said...fucking sad and lame and a waste of time.

Have we used up SO many good ideas on other media, that we must resort to movies based on obscure comic book characters like the Sub-Mariner? Where is our creative dignity? Where are the ordinal films? Are we really at the end of our rope?

I know that the dick-cheeses up in Hollywood are thinking:

"Well, since X-Men and Spider-Man did so well at the box office six years ago, we should keep making these movies. Let's just keep thrusting comic book heroes down the audience's throats until they vomit up revenue. And once the superhero genre is completely and totally abused and used up like a five dollar whore, we'll turn to a new idea. Get moving on this idea. Call Sam Rami, I'm sure he's not doing anything productive right now."


The goddam Sub-Mariner in a movie. The next thing you know, the idiots will want to make a movie about Wonder Woman.

Oh, yeah. They already fucking ARE. Sweet jebus.

I'm sure that this new movie will flop horribly, even though David B. has already read for the part and would probably make the movie as good as it possibly could be.

I just don't see how anybody could think this was a good idea. Like the Sub-Mariner is going to be a hit? Fucking please. There's a better chance of Paris Hilton being gang-raped in prison....which I'm SO praying for at this point.

Fucking Sub-Mariner. Un-be-fucking-lievable.


Anonymous said...

"I have always found it unbelievable that Hollywood thinks we are stupid."

Ummm, we are...

Hollywood keeps making them because people keep paying to go see them. :)


wrmblnwrck said...

I wish I could be all "gasp! No!" or even a tad bit shocked.

But no. I still can't erase the live-action version of The Tick from my brain.


Anonymous said...

Isn't that the truth!! The animated was far better. The Tick was awesome. So many insights into the "super world"...

"You know why super villains are so unhappy, Arthur? They don't treasure the little things."



Shanshu said...

Wow...The Tick. What a great cartoon that was. I can't believe that went off the air so soon. Shame.

Callie said...

I heard about the Sub Mariner. I just figured that it would fall flat on its face before it escaped the concept stage. Now that DB has been tapped - it's definately going to be crap.

Don't get me wrong - loved BTVS and Angel - but honestly, it was Joss behind those series. I've seen DB in other stuff, and I'm sorry, but he reeks, imho.

Hollywood just thinks that, since 4 of the most loved comic books of all time made money, that anything comic book related will. Do they have that short a memory? Catwoman, anyone? Don't even get me started on how bad Fantastic 4 was. Steel, anyone?? Hulk? Daredevil? Elektra? I could go on and on and on.

Hollywood needs to start reading real books, because they're ruining my comics.