Friday, September 23, 2005

More Stupid Than I Can Handle

There are certain things in this world that piss me off to the point of crazy. Mostly, it involves the stupidity of other people and their desire to rub their dumb off onto me like some sort of infectious disease. I feel it is my duty to share my rage with the world, in the hopes that at least one person will be saved from the onslaught of retarded people who try to pull us down to their level of lame on a daily basis. They can’t be stopped, but at least they can be avoided with some careful maneuvering.

Today’s stupid people rant will be about CHAIN LETTERS.

I hate chain letters. I hate them in the face. I hate them so much, that every time one of my “intelligent” friends or loved ones forwards one on to me, I lose a little bit more faith in my society, and its system of social evolution. How can a person who considers themselves to be a smart member of our society really believe that there are African princes out there who are trying to give away their fortune for the low price of $199.95? How do these people not fall down more often?

Here is the chain letter that I received this morning, along with the explanation as to why it’s bogus.

It really makes my butt itch, when my friends and family send this crap to me. I shake my fists to the skies and curse the person who started the chain, and pray that they do not have the physiological capacity for reproduction so they cannot burden us with their idiocy any longer. National Blood Initiation Day? Fucking lame. So lame, it limps. How could somebody I know fall for this crap?

The thing that really gets me about chain letters, is that it dupes smart people into believing them. Once a smart person starts to believe a dumb person, it’s all over for our way of life. The fabric will start to unravel, and our world falls into chaos. Chain letters do nothing but spread the “stupid disease”, and cause intelligent people to run out and do stupid things. How many people do you know who ran out and bought a home generator and a year’s supply of food before Y2K? Do you know how lame that was? UBER LAME. I guarantee some idiot hacker thought it would be funny to start some sort of anti-information chain letter about how the world is going to explode when Y2K happens and it caused a ton of smart people to buy into his bullshit and cause panic in the streets.

Argh.

The problem with chain letters, is that they never make it sound too fake. They give you just enough bullshit, wrapped with some truth in the hopes that you will buy into the lie and forward the letter and infect more people with the hoax. I’ve decided that aliens are going to take over our planet, and they’re trying to make as many of us turn stupid before the invasion as they can. Their weapon? Chain letters filled with bogus information and crap to make our brains shrink up and die within our skulls.

So, for my friends and family, who I love and protect…let me clear a few things up for you, in regards to chain mail:

-95% of all chain emails you receive are bogus. Accept this as fact, and you’ll be fine.
-There are no princes in Africa that are willing to give you $100,000 if you buy them a plane ticket to Florida on your credit card.
-No matter how many people you forward an email to, there will never be a video that pops up to reward you afterwards….ever.
-Big companies like Microsoft, Subway, Ford, Starbucks, etc. will never send out a chain letter that says something along the lines of “please forward this to 100 people and we’ll give you money” . This will never happen.
-Abstinence from chain emails is the only way to be safe.
-No matter how many people’s names are on an email chain, it will never: drop the price of gasoline, withdraw our troops from Iraq, or save a life.
-If the police are worried about something that is a threat to you, they will not rely on email chains to inform you. They’ll do something crazy like…make a public announcement, or involve your local news team.
-If the email contains the words “This is not fake!” or “This is for real” then you can be positive that it IS fake and that it is NOT real.

Hopefully, somebody out there will read this and change their ways. With any luck, the next time one of you receives a chain email that makes some ridiculous claim and uses buzz words and official looking data, you’ll know the truth and do the right thing…delete it and then beat the person who sent it to you over the head with a rubber chicken.

We must fight the stupidity, people. We must put a stop to this spread of dumb that is seeping into our brains through idiotic crap like chain letters!!! Fight the spread! Stop the insanity!



Now please forward this to at least 10 people, so we can save Timmy's life and then a video will pop up on your screen. Don't forget to send me $19.95 so we can cure cancer.

12 comments:

Rowan said...

Exactly! Very VERY well done. The one that pisses me off the most is the bogus virus scares I get from the MIL, insane! I mean, c'mon, you are telling computer geeks about some nonsensical crap you got in a chain letter? W!

I like the idea about the rubber chicken, where can I get my hands on one I wonder.

Bashful Blue said...

I agree. What gets me is when you get them from people that should just know better than to believe this crap. Oh well, what can you do? But hit the delete key and shake your head in disbelief that the aliens have gotten to another one.

Kay said...

I'm sorry. I am sometimes one of the stupid ones. I admit it. I feel very informed now, and shall no longer forward them...

B.O.B.I. said...

I love the ones everybody used to send that would say, "Send this to X people and you will see a video/hear a sound/get the punchline!"

I've tried Replying To All every time I get this and explaining how e-mails cannot possibly do this, even provided macros and viruses and God-knows-what... and a week later I get another one.

The thing is this, Shanshu: the people sending you the chain letters aren't stupid. No; they're evil. They are the spawn of Shaitan and must be excised.

Join me, brother. We shall cut a swath across the world, letting the streets run red with the blood of all diabolical, villainous chain-senders!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, yeah, loved this: Abstinence from chain emails is the only way to be safe.

Hehe, like I keep saying, don't rely on "protection" to keep safe. Just Say No!

Shanshu said...

I hear you, brother! I will join you in the quest to rid the world of chain-senders!

From now on, you may call me "Thor-axe the Impaler" !

Pizzle said...

lol...Thor-axe.

P.S. To make them feel dumber, I like to go to snopes.com or the like and find the hoax they just sent.

Then, I send it back to them, AND all the people they foolishly copied on the e-mail. If it got forwarded from other sources that are on the chain, I copy them, too!

I'll call their ass out in front of a hundred fuckin' people.

Trust me, I've never gotten a chail letter from the same person twice since incorporating this technique. They all look it up first or err on the side of hoax.

Be proactive! Don't just sit by and watch the doom...help save your fellow man through embarassment!

;)

Pizzle said...

Oh yeah...

The latest example was someone at our sister TV station who sent it to the WHOLE FUCKING COMPANY.

So...I did the above and sent it to them, and copied the whole company on it.

I don't think they have a job anymore...kinda felt bad about that, but they were surely making us all dumber with each passing day.

Owned.

Shanshu said...

I too, have used this technique. It does work well, that is for sure.

Spinning Girl said...

Great post Shanshu! You are the Voice of the People. You got me so riled, I wrote a post on a similar topic. Just to be safe, I'm not going to flash my Low Beams at anybody tonight. And P.S: Click on that link again, and a little goat will dance across the screen. IT'S AMAZING!!!!!

babyjewels said...

Man, I remember that flashing light thing from years ago. It's a total urban legend. I'm paypaling my $19.95 right now just to be safe though.

Justin said...

Chain letters make the world go round. Oh, that and the fact that we are in orbit around the sun.

Still, forward this to 10 people, or we may not be in orbit for long.

:P

I think the REALLY stupid stuff is the chail letters about new viruses. I remember in the 90's there was an email going around that EVERYONE was forwarding.

People are Sheeple.

Ms. Adventures said...

Shan: I'm sorry I don't have enough time to read your whole post but I agree, chain letters suck. If they were for real, I would have had bad luck and all sorts of issues a long time ago. I immediately delete.

BTW I hate the stupid jokes and prayers with animated cherubs people send me too. Not that I don't appreciate the thought, they're just stupid.