Thursday, September 15, 2005

Random List: Things OKI Has Taught Me

  • The beach of Oak Island (OKI) faces South, not East as one might assume.
  • As we gazed at a group of dolphins jumping the waves and being generally awe-inspiring, one of my buds informed us that dolphins attack more humans per year than sharks.
  • Hot tubs with too much chlorine can change the color of your swim suit and make your skin stink like bleach.
  • If you're going to make Pina Coladas, make sure to use a good mixer beforehand like Bacardi Mixers. Also, make sure to add enough ice.
  • You can squeeze 6 people into a hot tub designed for 4 with enough patience, alcohol, and a willingness to accept the fact that some part of your body will come into contact with somebody else's genitals.
  • Hurricane winds can offer up very good surfing waves.
  • Unless you have a big towel, or don't mind bending over a lot...sex on the beach is NOT as exciting and fun as the stories imply. Reason: Sand. Gets. Everywhere. Even. Inside. Bodies.
  • Blow jobs on the beach are completely acceptable and recommended.
  • You can eat shrimp for seven days solid and not get tired of it.
  • Houses built on stilts sometimes sway in the wind.
  • If an ice cream stand looks shady...odds are, it is. Avoid it and head back home to make another Pina Colada.
  • Jen likes to get spanked. Hard.
  • Unlike almost every other game in existence, Yahtzee gets more boring the more drunk you get.
  • Crabs are FAST little fuckers.
  • It's hard to be in the ocean swimming, and feel something brush up against your leg, and not scream "Oh God, something touched me! Something touched me! Oh God!"
  • Swimming naked in the ocean is fun.
  • Swimming naked in the ocean with other people is more fun.
  • Swimming naked in the ocean with other people who don't know you are naked is most fun.
  • Starting drinking at 11:30am on the beach is a stupid idea. Seriously.
  • Jen likes to be spanked by multiple people.
  • When attempting to remove the glass blender bowl from the base, it is wise to ensure that the blender is NOT full of mixed frozen drinks.
  • Remote controlled vibrators are the best invention ever. They make Yahtzee MUCH more entertaining; especially when the other people playing don't know what's going on under the table.
  • Compared to the beach, the air everywhere else in the United States sucks ass.
  • Having your genitals handled by 3 pairs of hands all at the same time while soaking in the hot tub is so cool, it should be illegal.
  • I don't know if I believe the fact about dolphins attacking humans. That sounds made up to me.
  • If you decide to go out to dinner at a nice seafood place...and you walk in and the place is decorated like a hunting lodge, complete with heads on the wall...RUN.
  • "Automatically Added Gratuity" is the worst idea ever, and pretty much guarantees that you will receive horrible service.
  • Group bunny on the beach is awful...group bunny in the hot tub is delicious.
  • Drinking alcohol on an airplane messes you UP. I've been told it's the altitude, though I can't see how that makes logical sense.
  • All girls like to be spanked while they're on vacation at the beach.

23 comments:

Nameless said...

Being naked and having something rub up against you (besides a person) is not my idea of fun. I'd prefer the clorinated, tightly packed hot tub if things are gonna be rubbing up against me.
And most girls don't need to be on the beach to like being spanked *wink*

Nameless said...
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Nameless said...
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Shanshu said...

Wow...I guess you really mean what you say...you said it 3 times! It must be important.

Or the idea of spanking makes your hands nervous with anticipation and joy, and you hit the button 3 times by mistake.

Hmmm.

Nameless said...

Sorry, all the deleted comments were me. I hit enter too many times because it was taking forever for the comment to take. Coulda been because of the 50 letter verification. Is it me or are they getting longer? Gah!

Jen said...

Jen certainly does like to be spanked. What a naughty girl!

I can find no evidence that dolphins attack people very often at all. It does happen, but the studies I saw say that it's rare and it's generally a freak incident. It's just that no one knew up until fairly recently that dolphins have an aggressive side. And if attacks do happen, it's usually male bottlenose dolphins. The studies say that dolphins are no more aggressive than other wild animals, and should be treated like a stray dog or cat. That is, be wary because they have the potential to hurt you, but understand that they are generally loving animals.

Shanshu said...

good to know about the dolphins! that was nice of you to look that up.

Now tell us how to make napalm.

Pizzle said...

Though an airline cabin is pressurized, the altitude does make a difference in the consumption of alcohol.

Just take a look at the guy in the Greatful Dead t-shirt and the "Fuck You" hat. Who's working on his ninth little bottle of Khalua, I might add.

Kay said...

I came, I read, I have no thoughts.

Shanshu said...

pizzle: thanks for clearing that up. I wondered why that mini bottle of wine knocked me on my ass so quickly.

kay: no thoughts at all? I can't decide if that's a good thing, or a bad thing. I hope you're not going to back out of the next group bunny bash?

Kay said...

Oh, I'm going. I just have no thoughts. Brain's gone blank.

Rowan said...

Crabs are FAST little fuckers the kind you catch and eat or the kind you catch and cry! hmmm?

Shanshu said...

kay: good girl!

rowan: beach crabs...not the big ocean crabs. beach crabs that only come out at night.

Pizzle said...

Actually, Shan...I think Rowan was referring to the "crabs you get rid of with special shampoo"...

drunkbh said...

Beach, ocean, sand and hot tubs....Sounds like a good time. Except the whole sand in body cavities thing.

Spinning Girl said...

Wow, sand gets everywhere? ... Now I wanna go to the beach.

Justin said...

Holy crap whata' vacation for you!

Rowan said...

yeah, the shampoo kind is what I meant, my bad, but yeah, beach crabs ARE kinda scary too. *winks*

Oh no, Spinning Girl, trust me U DON'T!!! Sand is minute pieces of glass keep in mind, something you don't want to have cutting you up and to have to fish out, trust me, ouch, I know! *blushes*

plsil: to bed of spinning girl

EBethToThePowerOf? said...

pizzle--nice Carlin reference, btw.

Shan--chlorine turns blonde hair green, too, so watch out for that.

Jen--You should be a librarian. Or my research assistant. Wait, I'll get my paddle;)

Callie said...

omg, Shanshu - that was great! Very funny. I want to find these things out, too!!!! All except for the sand thing. Don't like the idea of sand in body cavities.

Crystal said...

Personally, I've never been able to get into the spanking. It just makes me laugh.

Now, having my hair pulled while the man is behind me. Grroowwwlll!!

Xtine said...

its the dehydration that makes you drunk quicker on an airplane I think..or perhaps its the lack of movement, the buzz just lingers, either way, in flight booze is often a must.