Thursday, February 24, 2005

A Struck Thought Me

I’ve been sitting at my desk for almost 2 hours now, and I have yet to accomplish anything work-related, whatsoever. My inbox is the same as it was when I came into the office this morning, and I have not even logged in to the software database. At first glance, this would appear to be the result of laziness, or perhaps a lack of a work ethic. I assure you, this is not the case. My inability to effectively manage my time and job duties is a direct result of the following:

1-I have a hangover
2-I hate this job

The reason behind the hangover is simple: I drank too much last night. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “No, Eric you don’t know what I’m thinking.” Or, you might be wondering why I would allow myself to become inebriated on a school night?

Please…allow me to explain the events of last night in a little more detail.

Last night, Jen’s brother Bryan came home from his second (and hopefully last) tour of duty in Iraq, and arrived safely back in the United States to his mother’s outstretched and panic-stricken arms. When Jen got the phone call from Bryan in North Carolina to say hello, it was cause for celebration and joy. Well, it wouldn’t be a celebration without a drink, would it? So we had a drink, and this was followed by phone calls to loved ones and family members, and friends. Then we had another celebratory drink. Next, was the drink to celebrate the first celebratory drink, in its honor of being the first drink. Later, we decided to have a drink to celebrate the fact that it was Wednesday, and the week was almost over. Of course, after that it was only fitting to have a drink to celebrate the fact that Jen changed into her comfortable clothes, and that I turned my hat around. Then we played games and had fun. We had a drink to toast the winner, and after that, we decided to have a drink to celebrate the fact that Bryan was coming home from Iraq. Then there were the calls to loved ones, family members, and friends…who did not seem to understand why we were calling twice to relay the same news. Then we had a drink to celebrate cheese. Later on were the inevitable intoxicated violin performances, as well as drunk dials to friends (sorry to keep you up so late, Greg).

That was pretty much how the evening progressed. Now…fast-forward a few hours, throw in a bad breakfast burrito and only 4 hours of sleep, and you have a completely worthless worker bee. Ta-dah!

I have found ways to remain productive, however. For instance, I did complete a level of Mah Jong with no cheats or hints, all by myself. I was also able to drink some apple juice, and later on, practice sleeping while sitting up. My tentative goals for the remainder of the afternoon involve deep meditation and prayer, which will of course occur in the quiet sanctuary of my “under desk” area. I fully intend to ignore the phone when it rings, which takes a lot of personal and professional courage and patience. I also plan to add a new paradigm of quality control business unit tasks to my goal-seeking upper management potential projects.

I shall remain busy, do not worry. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go find the bathroom and say "Europe" to the sink. Have a nice day, and don't warn the tadpoles.


Connie said...

Congrats to Bryan and his family!!

Tass said...

Dude, that's one of the funniest things I've ever read!!! I can completely relate as I'm from Wisconsin and drinking is a religion. Anyway, very well-written and I'll be checking back. You're not, by chance a Tucker Max fan, are you?

Shanshu said...

Sorry, don't know who Tucker Max is.