Friday, April 08, 2005

Worst. Horror Flick. Ever.

I like scary movies. I do not like blood and guts movies, with slashers and knives and idiots who wear hockey masks. Those movies are for children, and I have put away childish movie things. I like movies that scare me, which usually means some sort of psychological mind-fuck or disturbing plot twist. Just a few of my favorite scary movies, in no particular order:

Now, I wouldn't call myself a great horror movie buff, or anything. However, I do believe that my taste is somewhat acceptable when it comes to a movie that can rattle you, or at the very least make you want to turn the lights on before you head off to bed.

Having said that, I feel it is my duty as a fan of scary movies to try and dissuade anybody from seeing what I consider to be one the of the worst scary movies I have ever seen, not counting the horrible Bones incident a few years back with Snoop Dogg.

The name of the horrible movie in question? Exorcist: The Beginning

Last night, Jen and I watched this movie. After 15 minutes, I knew I was in for a long night. I won't bore you with in-depth plot details or actors, or anything else. I'm not a critic. What I will tell you, is that nothing about this movie was scary, whatsoever. The acting and plot were cheesy, and the only thing that they had going for them was good use of LOUD MUSIC at appropriately climatic times. Now, that doesn't necessarily make a movie scary, just because they raise the level of sound during tense moments...that's just good marketing, if anything.

The story jumped around a lot, and they would fill voids in the script with flashbacks that (in my opinion) had nothing to do with the story, and did not help to explain the depth of the main character any better. The LOUD MUSIC was hokey and 1970's porno. Whenever they felt the scene wasn't scary enough, they would just add maggots and flesh boils and blood. Great combo, guys! Because we all know, THAT is the winning formula for any scary movie.


The movie ended as abruptly as it began, and questions remained unanswered...which always bugs the crap out of me. All in all, I had more fun last month at the dentist, than I did last night watching this stink of a horror flick.

So, be warned. If you are going to see this movie, despite my review...good luck to you. I have done all that I can, to help others avoid the path I chose.

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