No Noose is Good Noose

Last night, while I sat on my couch and aimlessly channel surfed for anything mildly entertaining to watch, I came to the conclusion that my life is really boring at the moment. Well, to be fair I came to this conclusion the other day when I received an email from a friend, who was doing the necessary bi-monthly “catch up” letter. As I read the goings on in his life; the changes and pitfalls and wacky anecdotes, I began forming in my mind what I would say in my “catch up” letter to him. Then, to my dismay he wrapped up the email with “So, what’s new with you?”.

I was at a loss. The question stopped me in my tracks. It was then, that the horrible realization struck me…I had nothing new to tell him, whatsoever. There was nothing new in my life at all. No new job, or interesting stories to tell. There were no new characters in the story of my life, nor climaxes or plot-twists. Everything was exactly the same as it was, the last time we had our bi-monthly “catch up” conversation.

Holy crap.

I couldn’t even think of something funny to tell him, that had happened to me. Sure, there were things I could have told him that I had done recently…but really, none of them were that interesting. Certainly not interesting enough to bring up in a “catch up” email, especially when measured against the new things going on in his world, as compared to mine.

The best I could come up with last night as I went through all of this in my head, was that things aren’t really going badly. I know that “no news is good news” and that if I have nothing new to talk about, then that also means that there is no new bad in my life; no negative stories or events that have transpired that require me to shell out a long list of grievances. So, I suppose that I could tell him that things here are going fine, and that I’m not dead, nor do I have an inoperable brain tumor or scabies. Maybe that’s all a person ever really needs…to not be bad.

Then, after that horrible Doogie Howser, MD journal moment went out of my head, it hit me: I did have news for him!

In all my angst, I had forgotten some interesting developments in my sheltered yet sometimes inappropriately erotic life. Things that would be interesting for him to hear, and some things that would actually make him go “Whoa, really?” to himself (or out loud…I’m not sure how he reads email).

For instance…Jen’s brother is now home from Iraq, and is back in Overland Park. That’s big news!

Or, I could tell him about how we went out to the Plaza for drinks the other night, and I ran into Megan…who happens to be best friends with my ex, Nicole! And then he would gasp out loud as he read that, because he would remember that Nicole has no idea that I am now dating her former college roommate, after she specifically told me not to hook up with her friends after we broke up. Boom! That’s drama, baby.

Or I could let it slip out that I applied for re-admission to KU recently, and that I am a student again starting Fall 2005, new major pending.

Hmm. I guess I did have news for him, after all. Maybe I’ll start doing something new or different every week, for no other reason than to be able to have something to respond with, when somebody asks me “What’s new?”.

I think next week, I’ll start teaching myself underwater basket weaving.