Sometimes, I have to turn him around because I can't look at his face. 
So, here's what happened to me yesterday, in the style of "The Night Before Christmas":
T'was the day before Wednesday and all through my home,
Nobody was stirring, since I was alone.
I went into my den to use my PC,
while visions of Blogging danced around within me.
I noticed some SpyWare and even Viruses, too.
So I decided to get rid of them, with no more ado.
I paid fifty dollars for some software to cure
the spyware and viruses; to kill them for sure.
But what did I see with my own little eyes?
The software was bogus! The fix full of lies!
My money was gone and the Spyware remained,
promises of online safety and protection were feigned.
I cursed and I spat, and shook my fists in the air,
but nobody heard me, there was no one to care.
I called Dell Support and begged them to help me,
and they said they would...for a large fee.
One hundred dollars later and two hours more,
and my computer was more broken, then it was before.
"We cannot fix it." they said and they sounded quite dumb,
while I sat in my den and I sucked on my thumb.
"Your hard drive has crashed, there is nothing to say,
we here at Dell hope you have a very nice day!
"A new hard drive we will send you, and this one will work!"
they told me as I tried to stab my wrist with a spork.
I jumped up and down and felt so much better,
and then I sat down to write a nasty letter.
Screw Hackers! Screw Spammers! Screw all Spyware too!
I wrote about how they had spat on my shoe.
Then I went up to my bank to tell them the story,
only to find out that they had no money for me.
One hundred and Fifty dollars the total I lost,
to learn a good lesson at oh such a cost.
So now I am wiser, and more bitter still.
Of all the spyware and viruses I've had my fill.
So to all of you out there who are not quite protected,
buy up-to-date software or you too will be infected.
So I say to you all, Happy Computing for you!
And to Spyware and Hackers I say fuck off.
10 comments:
You poor thing! It only took 3 days for some dumb virus to kill your new computer!!
Dell suck.
Instant clasic! Like BO2k.
First of all, my condolences.
Second of all, you are far too creative for your own good.
Who won OSW last week?
I'm a whore.
Oh, sorry Pizzle. YOU won OSW last week, of course! Nobody can beat the Jesus/Stapler thing...too good to top, for sure. Sorry I forgot to mention that in the post. My bad...I was too busy hating my life and coming up with a plan to destroy all spammers and spyware programs.
Oh, and thank you everybody for the support...I've been told that my writing is at its best, when things go wrong in my life.
My misery=your entertainment.
I'm ok with this...some of the best artists do their best work during times of uncertainty and strife.
Look at Metallica, before depression and after. 'Nuff said.
Woot.
ACK!
LMFAO @ spork!!
I'm always saying, "Damn...I sure could use a spork right now"
aw man! That totally sucks. I'm sorry.
I had heard that Dell wasn't too bad. Guess I'll cross them off my list.
So - I'm guessing this means no more posting from home for awhile, huh? :-(
And I agree with 4 & 5 - very creative.
What sucks is that spammers will never go away until spamming stops working. And spamming will only stop working when everyone stops being dumb and responding to it. In essence we're screwed.
HEY! It's not my fault, yo. Dell sends me so many stupid pop-ups and software updates, I'm surprised I haven't signed up to donate a kidney, or something.
Back off me nuts, or I'll kill you in the face.
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