@#$% You! I'm sorry.

Yesterday, I decided to take a walk down to my local Best Buy store, and pick up a new DVD for my viewing pleasure. As I walked along, whistling to myself and enjoying the nice summer air, I came to a crosswalk…the ominous place where the sidewalk and the street come together in one cosmic point. To cross the street and continue my journey, I would need to keep things as safe as possible. So, being the law-abiding citizen that I am, I pushed the little “walk” button that stops traffic and gives you that cute little green picture of a man walking, so that you and the cars around you know that it is your turn to have a piece of the road. As I walked during my “pedestrians welcome on the road” time, and began to cross the street towards Best Buy…I noticed something strange.

There was a car coming towards me.

It was a car who was turning left, making it way to me at a fairly fast pace. In fact, when he saw me, he seemed to accelerate. I stopped and stared at him for a moment…wondering if I was really seeing a car bearing down on me, or not. Thoughts of hit and run, mob connections, and drag racing began to bounce around in my head, as the car came closer, and closer. Then something strange happened to me. I began to get angry, that this crazy person was bearing down on me, as if I were not supposed to be walking across the street. I had the little green man saying “walk” and I was allowed to be here. HE was the one who shouldn’t be there! How dare he try and scare me into jumping out of the way of his stupid car?

So I stood there, and held my ground. I threw my arms up in a “what the heck are you doing?” gesture, and waited. I could see the other cars across from me, sitting at a red light and watching the events unfold before them. Maybe they thought I was crazy. Maybe they thought I was stupid. Whatever they thought, it was obvious that I was the center of attention for that time and place.

As the car came closer and closer, I continued to hold my ground. Then, finally, the car slowed down, and almost stopped. I slowly began to walk around it, and it a fit of anger shouted “Hey, nice yield, you @(*%# ! Pedestrians have the right of way!”, to make myself feel better. Then, without pause for reflection or guilt, the driver leaned his head out of his window, and shot back: “FUCK YOU!..............I’m sorry!!”

And with that, he drove away, leaving me to ponder these strange events on my own. I thought to myself, “Did he really just curse at me, and then apologize? Or did he apologize to me, while cursing at me? Can you even DO that?” I thought about this all the way to Best Buy, and as I purchased my new James Bond movie, I came to the conclusion that the whole world is crazy. Then I realized that anybody strange enough to use the F word at me, followed by an apology clearly has issues…and I’m lucky he didn’t run me of the friggin’ road, or something. He’s probably brushing his kitten with peanut butter, as I write this.

Next time, maybe I’ll get out of the way of the car, instead of trying to make a point about traffic safety.