LOST in Translation

For those of you who watch Lost on ABC Wednesday nights, this is your post. If you are debating whether or not to start watching Lost, then this post may also be for you. If you do not watch it, nor do you care to watch it, then I’m sorry to tell you that this post will probably bore the crap out of you. I apologize to you, my faithful readers but sometimes a good television-inspired rant is in order.

What the hell is up with Claire? She goes into the jungle and gets abducted by some friggin’ crazy guy and then she comes back two weeks later with no memory? And, I’m sorry, but can this show just ONCE tell us something that’s going on, besides in a flashback? I’m starting to think that every episode uses the same X-Files based formula:

1-Give Background
2-Wrap Up Old Plot
3-Start New Plot
4-Exciting Incident
5-Show Glimpse of Scary Monster/Alien/Magical Creature
6-Create New Questions
7-Answer No Old Questions
8-Climax
9-Ending

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great ploy...they reel you in with the big, loud, scary (yet unseen) monster to get you thinking it’s a “Land of the Lost” type of situation...and then they start focusing on other things and seem to forget about said monster. Then, just when you’re starting to think you’ve figured out their little formula, they spring a new unseen scary thing…and now you’re focused on that. It’s brilliant…every week you’re hooked in again. Great marketing, I tell you.

I find myself every week thinking like some Ed Wood Jr. reject director saying things like “What’s this guy’s motivation? Where is he coming from? When are we going to wrap up the French Woman plot twist? Where’s that extra with the blonde hair and nice jugs?” I have a plethora of questions and theories but no real answers and that scares me.

It scares me because that was my main reason for giving up on The X-Files…too many questions, and not enough answers. Eventually, the idea of always giving the audience a tiny scrap of information in the hope that they will crawl desperately back for a bigger piece becomes lost on people like me. I need answers, or I get bored….simple fact. Now, I’m not saying I need the entire plot twist/surprise ending type of answer…no no no. What I’m saying, is that I need SOME closure on old events that have not been expanded on since their inception. For instance…the big metal door in the middle of the forest? The isolated, crazy yet seemingly brilliant French woman alone in the jungle? The big bad scary (faceless) beast? The “black rock”? The other tribe? Why is Claire’s baby so important? Why are there Polar Bears on a tropical island? Who shot JR?

It’s these questions I wouldn’t mind getting answers to. Heck, at this point I’d even take simple hints!

But in the end, I think that the reason I’m so irritated is that I do like the show, and I do watch it every week, and I can’t wait until next Wednesday to see what happens…and I’ll still hope that maybe this time I’ll get some answers. I’m such a sheep.

Baaaaaah!