Ash Wednesday Jumped Out of the Closet and Scared Me

Well, it snowed here in Kansas again…dammit. I thought we were done with this crap already? As if my life wasn’t complete enough, I now have the opportunity to defrost the car, drive slower, slip on ice and shiver in the mornings…what a great gift for my birthday.

Although, every annoying situation does have its funny quirks. This morning while Jenni was getting ready, I took it upon myself to go outside and start warming up the car. I started it up and turned on the window defroster, and then promptly headed back inside to the warm apartment air. As we were watching TV and waiting for the car to become drivable, Jen looks out the window and then says “Hey…did you do that?”. Well, as an honorary member of the What the Heck Are You Talking About club, I went over to the window to see what the heck she was talking about. Her front windshield had been wiped…wiped free of snow and ice…wiped free in a way that only a windshield wiper could do.

Yes, gentle reader…you guessed it. I did not turn on the windshield wipers while I was in the car this morning. The best guess that Jen and myself could come up with to explain these semi-disturbing and very confusing turn of events was: 1-Somebody walked by, saw that the car was warming up, opened the door, and hit the windshield wiper button. 2-The ice and snow had warmed up just enough to slide down the windshield, and off of the car to make it appear as if it had been wiped.

Now, both options seem feasible to me. Option #1 is much more unnerving than option #2, in a very “Show me on the doll where he touched you” kind of way. To think that somebody would come into your car for any reason without your knowledge is just…creepy. It wasn’t even my car, and that thought made me feel dirty all over.

In the end, however, I used deductive logic to figure out that the windshield wipers could not have wiped off the snow and ice for the simple fact that they were still, themselves, covered in ice, and when used did very little to help the situation. So, the snow and ice must have defrosted enough to slide off the car, leaving no trace.

YES!

Crisis averted, puzzle solved, game-set-match, victory! Now all I have to do is figure out why Easter and Ash Wednesday are based on lunar cycles used by ancient pagan holiday structures, and I’m golden to have a great February and March winter wrap-up.

Happy Ash Wednesday